A Kick In The Career: Honey, I Shrunk the Workplace

 People often ask me, “Tom, how have you managed to keep your marriage together over many years, even though you work in a high-stress, high-maintenance field? What’s your secret?”

I usually reply that I’m so busy that my spouse and I never see each other -- which works out better for both of us.

Just kidding, of course, although my wife may refute that! But really, how do we really keep workplace stress – including being “too busy” – separate from our relationships? We all bring problems home from work, and sometimes they bleed into tension between couples. The burdens of dealing with a demanding boss or a toxic co-worker can permeate the interactions of what should be a loving couple.

I have developed some strategies over the years to assist in not bringing the work home with me. Here are a few of them:

Punch the Clown. You know those inflatable clowns that sway back and forth when you pummel them? My wife and I gather in the garage after any stressful day and do a little Muhammad Ali on them together. It’s a way for us each to show our support for what the other is going through. When she’s had a stressful day and I haven’t, I will still join her in the clown socking. She does the same for me. When we picture the clown as whoever ruined our day, we can’t help but laugh -- and nothing diffuses tension like laughter. Except maybe partial nudity. But that’s for another blog.

Binge Watch Bonding. Connecting over several seasons of a great TV show is an excellent way to unwind and process feelings. The people in long form television shows are usually far more messed up and in far more trouble than any of us could ever be. Art is an interpretation of the collective human experience. You know that whoever created your favorite show has felt something like you’ve felt at one time or another. Stories of any kind usually include someone releasing emotion, so if you end up sniffling a little bit, no problem. Just don’t start thinking about Breaking Bad as a resource for role models.

Call in Sick Together. This brings all the excitement of a forbidden vacation, without all the expense and poorly circulated airplane oxygen. It’s especially rewarding if you can do it while the kids are at school. It will feel like you are back to the early days of dating again, except you won’t have to try so hard to impress each other. (But do please wear deodorant).

Take a Walk Together. Does outdoor physical activity somehow create a calming effect that puts things into perspective? Who’d have thunk it, right? Oh, and notice how every suggestion so far has involved doing things together? The last thing either of you need is a brooding spouse going all quiet in the other room. I can’t stand that spouse, especially when it’s me.

Problem Puking. When you don’t feel like getting even the slightest bit creative, just set aside time after work every day to check in and see if there are any problems to puke out at each other. No judgment, no comparison, just being a sounding board. The best part about this strategy is that some days you won’t have to do it! (And that leaves more time for binge watching.)

Work and life are always going to be butting against each other. Our sanity depends on how often we kick that butting in the butt!