A Kick In The Career: Patience Takes Patience

Lots of people who have a problem with patience, and for good reason. Patience is one of the most difficult personal qualities to master. Patience takes patience. 

But we live in a society that values instant gratification. Millions of dollars have been made by companies like FedEx and Domino’s Pizza, simply because they address the issue of how long customers will have to wait. Because waiting, in our culture, translates into feeling frustrated, forgotten, stressed out, and most of all angry? So there are many benefits to learning patience, despite the fact that you might need some patience to learn them! Here are some ideas:

>> Know the difference between the things you control, the things you can influence and the things over which you have no control or influence. Spend the bulk of your time and attention on the things which you control. This is where you can make the biggest difference. Spend your remaining time and attention on the things you can influence, knowing things may or may not go your way. Let go of the things over which you have no control or influence. Time or attention spent on those is just wasted.

>> Live one day at a time. Treat each day as a treasured gift, because that is exactly what it is! Yesterday is done and tomorrow has not yet arrived, so make the most of today because it is all you have to work with anyway.

>> Accept and forgive yourself. You are growing, learning and changing all the time – or at least you should be. As a human being, even an unforgettable one, you will make mistakes. Get over it and get on with life. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, weaknesses, and imperfections. Learn from them and move on.

>> Change your point of view. Instead of beating yourself up over past mistakes, accept them as part of who you are today. Class is progress, not perfection.

>> Plan your life and follow your plan. Have “Plan B” ready in case things do not go the way you expect. Otherwise you’re going to set yourself up for frustration. Nothing is more maddening than waiting for the phone to ring! If you’re in that position, you’ll probably need more patience than you’ve got. So hope for the best – but prepare for something other than the best too.

>> Set big goals, then take baby steps. You can accomplish any goal by breaking it down into doable steps which keep you motivated along the way. Celebrate each time you complete a step toward your goal. Become your own best friend. As Jerry Lewis said in "The Nutty Professor, "You might as well like yourself, because you're going to be spending a lot of time with you. 

Buy yourself a cigar once in a while. You don't have to actually smoke it.  

A Kick In The Career: Let Them Eat Turkey

We all know what to expect at Thanksgiving. A big meal, a round of gratitude for everyone gathered together again -- and a non-stop interrogation of why you’re not doing better in life.

Yes, it can happen around Turkey Day. It doesn’t matter how long you have been out on your own, or how well you have provided for yourself and others. If, in the eyes of your loved ones, you do not have enough to show for it, you could be in for an annual 4-day weekend of getting the stuffing beaten out of you. Metaphorically, of course.

Somehow at Thanksgiving everybody is primed to grill us on how well we’ve done since last Thanksgiving. And the problem is, there is always someone else who is doing better than you.  If you’re lucky, the successful person in question is not present. “Did you hear about your uncle Ted? Quit his job, went into real estate, he’s flipped sixteen houses in nine months. Making 400 grand a year!” But usually the uber-achiever is seated diagonally across the table from you -- so that, in front of everyone, your heart can be carved out along with the giblets.

“Jerry, tell Tom about your venture capital firm. He could use a little guidance since he took a third quarter loss last year….” 

So you sit there listening to your cousin take credit for some lucky break as if he orchestrated every beat of it! You don’t notice the mashed potato seeping through the clenched teeth your forced smile. Neither does Jerry, of course. All he cares about is bloviating enough to impress the family that’s rapidly losing all respect for you.

If you’re facing the gauntlet of familial judgment this Thanksgiving, remember that whatever anyone says, it reveals more about them than it does about you.

If you’re out of work, well, you won’t be for long. Because you’re industrious and talented and the right position is out there waiting for you.

If you’re employed, and happy, who cares whether or not your work fits into someone else’s paradigm of success? 

Or maybe you’re unhappy in your present situation and you’re letting the opinions of your family members tweak your own insecurities. If that’s the case, well, I hope they’re serving wine, because you’ll need it. (What kind of wine goes with turkey? I should Google that.)

Actually, it is perfectly natural to feed into your family’s dysfunctional expectations about success. And if you’re dissatisfied with where you are, use the holiday tension to motivate you to new heights. There’s nothing like anger and revenge to inspire a step up the ladder. Of course, it will never be enough to please them, but let’s not think about that now.

For the moment, focus on the things that bind you to your family, and the love that has held you together long enough to want to make sure you’re together at Thanksgiving time.

But don’t even think about showing up single this year….

   

Snap Judgment: 'Speak softly and carry a big soft."

Sometimes people who don’t express themselves very well will try to turn this into a virtue. “I may not be very good with words,” they’ll say, “but at least you know where I’m coming from. At least I’m honest.”

What are the foundations of a statement like that? First, there’s the implication that people who are good with words are inherently suspect of dishonesty. But "honesty" can take many different forms. Not everyone wants to be spoken to in a very blunt way. Not everyone wants to speak very bluntly either.

Effective communicators in a business environment are people who know what they have to say, but they are also aware of the needs of the people who have to listen to them. Good managers don't make snap judgments about what they're going to say. Let’s take a look at what that involves, step by step.

If you're in a supervisory position and dealing with conflict, it’s important to establish rapport as soon as possible. Frank conversations may be confrontational -- hopefully in a positive way -- but diplomatic communication should always take place in an atmosphere of civility. That's not being dishonest. It's just being diplomatic.

Next, bring up the problem in a calm and composed manner. A judgmental or accusing tone is almost never useful. It just gives people an excuse to get their defenses up and to respond in a personal way. If you’re angry enough, you may be tempted to run down the other person’s accomplishments and tell them how worthless they are -- but once again, this will just invite a response in kind. Be sure to let the other person tell his or her side of the story. Make sure you listen patiently to whatever is said. Once again, avoid argument or confrontation. Don't be reactive. Don't blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. 

Make constructive suggestions. Be sure these are expressed in a way that doesn’t put anyone down or humiliate them. Emphasize what rather than who. Base the discussion on what happened or what should happen, not the character flaws of the people involved. Encourage positive change through effective questioning and active listening. Then arrange a non-threatening follow-up so both to measure progress and make any further corrections.

End the discussion by reassuring the the participants of their worth to the organization. If you can close on a high note, people will leave feeling motivated to follow the suggestions that have been made. This will not be because of fear, but because they see a positive future with you and with the organization.

Here’s one last tactic to keep in mind. Some people may find it easy; others may find it very difficult. Don’t raise you voice. Once the decibels rise above a certain level in an encounter between two people, nothing positive can come from it. Things may definitely happen when people are yelling at each other, but they won’t be good things. One of the worst things anyone can say about a manager is that he or she is a “screamer.”

Teddy Roosevelt said, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” Even if you don’t have a big stick, speak softly anyway. 

Snap Judgment: The Stress Mess

While an acute crisis in your work can be very difficult to manage, those situations are, by definition, limited in terms of time, place, and frequency. But chronic stress can go on for a long time, even indefinitely. So you've got to be patient with stress, but not too patient. You don't want to make snap judgments to get rid of stress. But you don't want to just let it happen either. 

Stress is dangerous partly because people can get used to it. You’re probably familiar with the story about a frog getting boiled in water that only very gradually and almost imperceptibly rose in temperature. That’s a good story, but in real life frogs actually jump out of the water. Humans, on the other hand, will let themselves overheat to very destructive levels based on longstanding stress in their careers or their working lives.

Dealing with stress requires strength but also mature judgment. You need to call upon your inner resources, and you also must be aware of when it’s time to disconnect from the situation in the most appropriate way.

Studies show that workplace stress overload results in one million absent American workers each day. Stress results in mistakes and accidents, declining productivity and burnout, low morale and lost employees, increases in alcoholism and drug use, as well as workplace violence and harassment.

Based on research studies and information cited by author Ravi Tangri in the book Stress Costs, Stress Cures, stress is responsible for the following work-related issues:

• 19 percent of absenteeism;
• 40 percent of turnover;
• 55 percent of employee assistance books;
• 30 percent of short- and long-term disability;
• 10 percent of drug plan costs;
• 60 percent of total workplace accidents; and
• Total costs of workers comp and lawsuits are because of stress.

Fortunately, the main causes of stress – at least in the workplace – are very well documented:

>> Overwork: Obviously, too much work causes stress. But employees also suffer when assignments are unclear or poorly supervised. An unforgettable leader and team builder needs to closely monitor the mechanics and procedures in a work environment, as well as the volume of the work itself.

>> Random interruptions: Phones, walk-in visits, and unanticipated demands from managers all contribute to increased stress. Make sure that what you expect from team members is absolutely clear. Then give them a stable environment in which to meet those expectations.

>> Uncertainty: In times of economic downturn, the possibility of layoffs or furloughs, or other cutbacks are major sources of stress. You should keep your team informed about situations that might affect their jobs -- and provide reassurance if you can credibly do so.

>> Inadequate feedback: Team members need to know whether they are meeting expectations. Consistent, written and verbal, personalized
feedback is needed from the team leader.

>> Lack of appreciation: Failure to show appreciation generates stress. There are many ways to demonstrate appreciation, but the most effective is just a sincere recognition of a team member’s positive contribution. And it should be put in writing!

>> Lack of control: Stress is greatest when team members feel they minimal input in issues that affect them.

These stress-producing categories deserve your attention. Don’t let them persist

Perfect Pitch: Resilience or Regret?

Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone reacts the same way. Basically, there are two categories of response: regret or resilience. They're polar opposites. Like light and darkness, they can’t coexist in the same time and place. So the choice is yours. So the choice is yours. How will you go forward after you've made a fool of yourself. What will you say? What will you do? Will you bounce back or fall apart? 

Resilience is simply the ability to rebound from a setback or challenge -- first in your thoughts and feelings, and then in you actions. Regret is the tendency to dwell on problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed -- and then, possibly, to develop reactive behaviors such as substance abuse. 

Resilience isn't about living by old clichés like as "grin and bear it." It doesn't mean you ignore your feelings. When adversity strikes, you still experience anger, grief and pain, but you're able to go on with daily tasks, remain generally optimistic and go on with your life. Being resilient also doesn't mean being stoic or going it alone. In fact, being able to express yourself in reaching out to others is a key component of being resilient.

Resilience won't make your problems go away, but it can give you the ability to see past them. To strengthen your resilience, try out these ideas:

§  Get connected. Build strong, positive relationships with family and friends, who provide support and acceptance. Volunteer, get involved in your community, or join a faith or spiritual community.

§  Find meaning. Develop a sense of purpose for your life. Having something meaningful to focus on can help you share emotions, feel gratitude and experience an enhanced sense of well-being.

§  Start laughing. Finding humor in stressful situations doesn't mean you're in denial. Humor is a helpful coping mechanism. If you can't find any humor in a situation, turn to other sources for a laugh, such as a funny book or movie.

§  Learn from experience. Think back on how you've coped with hardships in the past. Build on skills and strategies that helped you through the rough times, and don't repeat those that didn't help.

§  Remain hopeful. You can't change what's happened in the past, but you can always look toward the future. Find something in each day that signals a change for the better. Expect good results.

§  Take care of yourself. Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. This includes participating in activities and hobbies you enjoy, exercising regularly, getting plenty of sleep and eating well.

§  Accept and anticipate change. Expecting changes to occur makes it easier to adapt to them, tolerate them and even welcome them. With practice, you can learn to be more flexible and not view change with as much anxiety.

§  Work toward a goal. Do something every day that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Even small, everyday goals are important. Having goals helps you look toward the future.

§  Take action. Don't just wish your problems would go away or try to ignore them. Instead, figure out what needs to be done, make a plan and take action.

§  Most importantly, maintain perspective. Look at your situation in the larger context of your own life and of the world. Keep a long-term view and know that your situation can improve if you actively work at it.

Perfect Pitch: Are you the Music Man?

                                

Business success is based on two elements: communication skills and technical competence. Top executives always have at least one of those two elements. Sometimes, very rarely, they have both of them. But as most industries have become more complex, I’m finding that the technical competence of executives is falling behind their communication skills. In other words, we’re getting to be better talkers than doers. The good news is, you can set yourself apart if your technical skills are as good or better than your talking.

Maybe you’ve seen the play called The Music Man. It’s about a fast talking guy who arrives in a small town with the intention of hugely upgrading a marching band. His secret, however, is that he can’t play any instruments, doesn’t know how to lead a band, and doesn’t really have any musical skills whatsoever.

The Music Man is a comedy, but it’s not totally unrealistic. There are managers in the computer industry who don’t know how to format a document. There are automobile executives who could not change a tire. There was once even a vice president who couldn’t spell potato. It’s not a good idea to lack the fundamental technical skills of your industry, and it’s really not a good idea to get caught lacking them. So let’s see what you can do to avoid those problems.

The first step is to ask yourself some revealing questions. If you find yourself answering no to these questions, you need to do some work in this area right away. And even if most of your answers are affirmative, you can use these questions as guideposts. They can suggest new steps for enhancing yourself in these areas. They can call your attention to people you know who are especially competent or otherwise impressive -- people who you can learn from, people you might like to know better. In general, the questions we’ll be asking can help you to do more.

So here are some items to think about regarding technical competence:

Are your ideas and opinions readily accepted? Or are your suggestions frequently challenged and turned down -- often because they’re considered impractical?

To what degree do others call upon your expertise? Are you often asked to make decisions involving technical matters? Or do people seem to lack confidence in your know-how?

Do you keep up with new developments in your business and industry? Or are you inclined to keep doing things the way you’ve always done them?

Give those questions some thought. And as you do so, here are some specific actions you can take for elevating your technical competence, and also for making sure that it gets recognized.

Make sure that you read the trade journals and major internet sites for your business of industry. Learn the names and titles of the executives at major companies. Be able to discuss new products and services from an operational perspective. Make sure you’re comfortable using the industry buzzwords and jargon that the experts use to recognize each other. And most importantly, really make an effort to learn the technical side of your business. If you can do that, you’ll distinguish yourself from the vast majority of people occupying managerial positions today. It’s definitely worth the effort. By being technically competent, you’ll be perceived as hugely valuable -- and as technical competence becomes rarer, you’ll also be seen as a total and unforgettable original.

Your Inner CEO: What you see is what you are (or aren't)

Talk to anyone who’s working in executive recruiting and you’ll hear a very paradoxical message. The good news is, people applying for managerial positions are better qualified than ever. They have glowing academic records, often including degrees in business or accounting. They have solid work experience, with sincere letters of recommendation from their supervisors. They present themselves very effectively in interviews, with excellent knowledge of the company they hope to work for, and of the economy as a whole.

The bad news is, everyone looks great on paper and in interviews, but everyone also looks exactly the same. People have figured out how to present themselves as competent, qualified managers who won’t make waves and who won’t make mistakes -- but hardly anybody wants to say, “I’ve got ideas that are really new and different!” People are afraid to present themselves as innovators, and consequently innovation itself has become a lost art.

This is a problem for American business. But it’s also an opportunity for anyone who values originality and knows how to put it to work. You can instantly set yourself apart from the crowd by focusing on what you’ll do right instead of what you won’t do wrong. To do that, you’ll need insight about your strengths and weakness, and intelligence about how to maximize your contribution. But most of all you’ll need inspiration -- the power to create energy and excitement by what you say, how you look, and above all, what you do.

Self-image is built upon self-perception. How do you see yourself in your own eyes? If your self-perception is out of synch with the way you want to be perceived, you will have a hard time making a positive impression -- especially if you’re not even fully aware of the problem. This is exactly what happens to many people. For some reason, we tend to think less of ourselves than we'd like. We also tend to have a lower opinion of ourselves than other people have of us.

It may be that you don’t want to seem egotistical or that you don’t want to elevate your self-image at the expense of others -- but putting yourself down is definitely not a good way to get ahead. So recognize the fact that you deserve to think of yourself in a far better light than you’ve gotten used to. This will not only make you feel more confident and deserving of success, but it will probably also bring you a lot closer to the truth of your image in the world.

Until you stop selling yourself short, don't be surprised if the world does the same thing. 

Your Inner CEO: "Leave a profanity at the sound of the beep...."

When you make a first call to a prospective client, your first few words are the most important -- so you want to get them right. Always state your name first, even if the person you’re talking with will have no idea who you are. Then ask to speak with your referral, and mention the name and affiliation of the person who gave you the contact.

Like this: “Good morning. This is Steve Parker. I’m calling Janet Sloan, referred by Brian Hunt at The Wall Street Journal.”

Notice three elements: your name, the name of the person you want to contact, and the identity of the person who gave you the referral. If you’re calling a corporate office, sometimes you’ll be asked the reason for your call. So once again mention the name of the person who gave you the referral, and add some information about how the referral came about.

You might say, “Brian suggested I get in touch regarding computer support.” Don’t feel you have to go into any more detail. And just use the first name of the person who referred you. One important key to successful phone communication is to be very respectful but also informal. Usually the person on the other end of the line will mirror your approach. If you’re tense, they’ll be tense. If you’re calm, low key, and confident, you’ll get the same positive energy back.

Once you do get the referral on the line, introduce yourself again by name. Then mention the person who referred you along with a brief reason for your call. “Brian Hunt at The Wall Street Journal suggested I call you about computer support.”

If you get a neutral or positive response, go one step further. “I was able to help Brian with a computer support program and he though you might be in the market for something similar. Is that correct?”

Sometimes this will open the door to further discussion. Other times it will just give you an opportunity to sign off from a referral who is clearly not interested. And occasionally it will even lead to another referral. In any case, always keep the person who referred you in the loop about the outcome. They’ll appreciate knowing what happened and may give you more referrals as a result.

What about voicemail? Many people look at voicemail as a dead end. They say to themselves, “Oh well, I’ll leave a message and maybe I’ll get a call back.” They don’t really believe that, but they're relieved not to have to talk with someone, so they leave a message. That’s how they avoid dealing with a potentially negative response.

This can lead to some dangerous ways of thinking. By the time the day is over, you might feel good because you’ve made a lot of calls and left a lot of messages. But your real productivity has been minimal. And over time that can take its toll.

Voicemail can actually be an opportunity. Voicemail can become the starting point for locating the person you’re trying to contact. It’s the starting point because you’re not going to let it be the ending point. Instead, you’re going to hit the “O” button and do your best to get a live person on the phone. When you do get connected to someone, here’s how the dialogue might go:

“Hi, could you help me out for a second? I’m trying to get hold of Mr. X and I got his voicemail. Would you happen to know if he’s at lunch, or on vacation, or in a meeting?”

Notice that you aren’t just asking to find Mr. X. You’re also providing possible solutions for finding him. This helps the phone receptionist feel as if he or she is part of the problem-solving process.

The receptionist is likely to offer one of two responses. The first is, “Yes, he’s in a meeting (or at lunch, or on vacation) and I’m not sure when he’ll be back at his desk.”

This answer has just given you a lot more information than you would have if you had just left a voicemail. Now you know your contact’s whereabouts in real time and you can call back at a better time.

The second possible response is, “No, I really don’t know where he is.” In this case, you reply, “That’s not a problem. Would you happen to know anyone whose desk or office is near him or who works in his area who might know where he is?” Again, you’re offering another option. Sometimes the receptionist will then transfer you to a colleague of your contact who can help you.

But the receptionist might also reply, “No, I don’t know anyone in his area.” You then say, “Would you happen to have a paging system or his cell phone number by any chance?”

If the receptionist can’t help you at that point either, just say, “Thank you very much. I really appreciate your help.” Then hang up and call back another time. You’re still much better off than if you’d just left a voicemail and let it go at that. You’ve been much more proactive and resilient. More often than you might expect, you’ll get through to your prospect just because you took a few extra steps.

The most important elements for finding new clients – whether by referrals or otherwise -- are optimism and resilience. You need inner certainty that you will get new clients even if you face some rejection in the process. A genuine liking for people is also really essential. You can see this in your own relationships. When you have a conversation with someone, you can quickly pick up on whether they really like you or are indifferent to you -- and you are much more likely to do business with those who like you.