Your Inner CEO: Anger Management

Of all the negative feelings people can experience,
anger is the most common in the modern world. We
live in the midst of an anger epidemic. They 
may not look like it, but people are seething with rage. 

And what about you? You’re put on hold in a phone call, 
you’re waiting in the checkout line, you’re caught in traffic 
behind a guy going twenty miles an hour -- and the result 
is anger. And those are just the minor situations. There are 
plenty of others in which the gloves really come off.

Research on anger shows that certain situations really get people ticked off. One of the most potent is feeling wrongly accused. You work harder than anyone else on a project and it falls through. If you get blamed, how do you feel? Or you get a parking ticket with time still on the meter. How do you feel? There are lots of other examples of wrongful accusations. Can you think of any now? If you can, the chances are you feel angry just recalling them. 

From a manager's point of view, it’s important to be empathetic about anger -- because there’s such a big difference between being inside it and outside it. From the inside, anger is like fire. It can start out like the tiny flame of a match, but with that tiny flame you can burn the whole house down. 

Again, think about how you feel when you’re really angry. If you’re like many people, you’ll sacrifice everything for the sake of that very compelling feeling. You’ll throw the expensive plates against the wall. You’ll kick the dog. You’ll slam the door -- and if you slam it on your finger, that will make you even more angry.

So don’t let yourself catch fire. Don’t let another person burn you down. It’s important to empathize, but empathy is not the same thing as direct participation.

Refusing to enter the world of an angry person is probably the best thing you can do to help them. It’s not easy for one person to stay angry for very long in the presence of someone who refuses to participate. It’s much easier to keep the anger going when you’re by yourself. That’s why angry people have a tendency to storm out of the room if they can’t get you going. Try to prevent that from happening if you can. Then, gently say the following two sentences: “I understand that you’re upset. We’ll talk when you’re feeling better.”

Don’t say anything else. If the angry person tries to force you to talk, repeat those two sentences. They’re non-judgmental, and they also hold open the possibility of further dialogue. Yes, let's keep talking. But only when the anger subsides.