A Kick In The Career: Let’s Get This Trait!

A Forbes blog post lists “The 15 Most Important Traits in the Ideal Employee.” You can examine their criteria here:  http://www.forbes.com/sites/kensundheim/2013/04/02/15-traits-of-the-ideal-employee/. 

You may notice that most of the terminology seems to come right out of the buzzword playbook. Hence, I was inspired to make up my own, more fun list of a potential employee’s most valuable traits. Without further ado, here’s assessment of the eleven best qualities an employee can possess. Or, as I like to call it:

STERN’S ELEVEN

1.     A Sense of Humor: If I toss out a Seinfeld reference during an interview and am met with slack-jawed confusion, can I realistically wish such a dullard on any of my clients’ workplaces?

2.     Living in the Now: Business, like the whole cultural landscape, must change with the times. Wistful talk about how it was easier before emails and smartphones might fly with your curmudgeonly poker night peer group, but they do not reflect a desire to embrace the way things are. You will find most companies are not in the market for grumpy Luddites.

3.     Good Posture: You would be surprised how shoulder slumping in the body can be a red flag for slacking off on the job.

4.     Knows More Than Me: If you are confident enough not to worry about a smarty pants being out for your job, you will do well to hire someone who can run circles around you. If they know what is good for them, they’re going to make you look good every time.

5.     Gives Good Phone: A company’s first public impression is often made on the telephone. Ever made a call to a helpline and known in two seconds that the person answering would rather be doing laundry in prison than talking to you? Someone made a hiring mistake that will end up costing that company good will in the end.

6.     Part-Time Philosopher: You want someone who has considered the bigger issues in life. Why are we here? What does it all mean? How Justin Bieber became famous? An employee who’s capable of a little soul searching will show more empathy and insight when things get complicated.

7.     Capable of Shutting Up: Every workplace needs some psychological space in which ideas can grow. An employee who tries to fill up every one of those spaces with chatter will soon become the office Newman. (That’s a Seinfeld reference.)

8.     Good Table Manners: I don’t want to get a clear view of the lettuce being churned inside your mouth during our lunch. Your employer will not appreciate it, either.

9.     Cares About Family: I don’t know how the phrase “all business” ever got construed as a compliment. If you don’t tell me just a little bit about the influence of family on your life in our interview, I may write you off as either a heartless scoundrel or someone in the Witness Protection Program.

10.  Careful Dresser: If what I remember about meeting you is your traffic-cone orange sweater, it may mean any employer would also think you were trying too hard. Just saying.

11. Sports Fan: Okay, that’s just a personal preference. I wouldn’t really take any points off if you didn’t know who held the record for most assists in the NBA, but it might make our meeting go a little longer while we both look up stats on our smartphones.

There you have it. Whether it’s for me or Forbes magazine, work on putting your best foot forward so that it doesn’t end up in your mouth.