Perfect Pitch: Confidence Man vs Confident Man

An overly confident person and a someone with low confidence have surprising similarities. Both have unconscious belief systems that need to be questioned and re-evaluated. So let’s look at some techniques for restoring balance.

Suppose you need to start using a new spreadsheet program that’s you’re totally unfamiliar with. It seems like an alien and intimidating task. Before you get started with the new program, do this. Think back to when you did something else new for the first time. Preferably, this should be something that seemed at least as intimidating as what you’re facing now.

What about the first time you rode a bicycle? The whole idea of it seemed to contradict the laws of gravity. How would you ever be able to balance on those two thin wheels? Maybe you did fall over a few times, but once you learned how to do it, riding a bicycle seemed perfectly natural. It seemed to happen by itself, without your even thinking about it.

Driving a car is another good example. This is actually an amazingly complex set of behaviors. There’s some genuine danger involved, and the skills of safe driving can take time to develop. Besides using your hands and your feet, you need to keep checking the mirrors every few seconds. You have to know who’s in front of you and behind you, and you also have to be aware of the blind spots that can be especially dangerous. 

But most people learn how to do it. If you drive a car today, the chances are you’re neither frightened out of your wits or totally oblivious of the risks. Driving is something you learned how to do -- both the physical actions and the mental requirements. Yet there was a time when driving must have seemed hugely intimidating, just like the spreadsheet program does now.

Certain situations can bring anxiety and stress. This is perfectly normal. But remember that the anxiety is only about what you’re doing now. It's not what you are at the deepest level of your being. Think about all the things you accomplished over the years. You’re learning now just as you learned then. You learned to do those things, and you will learn this. You can be completely confident about that.

 Here’s another good way to deal with intimidating situations. Attack just one part of it and achieve success. Instead of trying to deal with the whole the issue immediately, warm up by doing something less intimidating that will allow you to achieve success. It can be a task you’ve put off, like making a tough decision and acting on it. Taking small steps -- getting “on a roll” -- will put you into a 'flow' state where you forget about everything else. Afterwards, you’ll feel more competent, more capable, and definitely more confident. 

Remember this key point about confidence. It’s not a matter of feeling no doubts about yourself, which is grandiose thinking. It’s not being paralyzed by hesitation, which is an effect of low self-esteem. People on both extremes are convinced that they’re either totally great or completely incompetent. If you’re buying into that all or nothing thinking, you're wrong either way. As some once said, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." Words of wisdom.