Is Donald Trump convincing or conniving or both?

"Talking takes practice," says a character in The Maltese Falcon, Dashiell Hammett's classic detective novel. "I like talking to a man who likes to talk." 

Well, Donald Trump has practiced talking for  long time, and in many ways he's an amazingly effective speaker -- partly because he seems so unschooled in the art of public presentation. But whether he knows it or not, Trump uses techniques of classical rhetoric to great effect. 

Here's an example. Speaking before one of his large and enthusiastic audiences, Trump remarked that he's often described as unqualified to be President of the United States. He then began listing his accomplishments, which were indeed completely different from any other candidate. But he turned this difference to his advantage by grounding everything that he'd done in "the real world," not just politics. 

He'd gone to the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania, which he described as "one of the hardest schools to get into." Then "he'd made a fortune." Then he'd written a book, The Art of the Deal, which was a New York Times best seller for many months. Then he'd done a TV show, "The Apprentice," which Trump said was a huge hit. In fact, he added as an aside, he had taken the extraordinary step of turning down a renewal of the apprentice for another season -- even though "nobody turns down a renewal" and doing so "cost me millions."

Trump wound up his little biography with a comically sneering reference to the much less authentic credentials of those who were running against him -- "some senators," he said, s if nothing could be lower. There was laughter and applause. 

The rhetorical technique Trump had used -- defending himself against an attack by comparing himself to his attackers in a faux naive tone -- must have a name. I don't know what it is -- yet. But I can find out by consulting one of my favorite websites. It's called "Silva Rhetoricae," which is Latin for "the forest of rhetoric." It's an encyclopedia of ancient classical techniques of public speaking, many of which are used (perhaps unconsciously) by people in the media today. 

You can learn a lot from this site, even if you can't pronounce terms like acoloutha or conduplicatio. But they're all just different forms of bullshit, which comes in a huge number of varieties, each of which has a name. Here's the link: http://rhetoric.byu.edu/

"WHO SAYS SO BESIDES YOU???"

When you meet with a potential new client, you of course want to make a good impression. You want to avoid bragging, but you also want “to put your best foot forward,” as the old saying goes. So you try to present yourself in a positive light. You might even brag a little, and there’s nothing wrong with that, provided you do it in a tasteful and tactically effective manner.

And while you’re bragging, what is your new client thinking? If you could know the answer to that question, your self-presentation could undoubtedly be even more effective. It’s hard to know what’s on in another person’s mind, particularly in a business conversation where people are likely to be somewhat on their guard. Fortunately, I can help with that. I can tell you right now what clients and customers are thinking while you’re trying to ignite their interest in your product or service.

They’re thinking, “Who says so besides you?” No matter how persuasive you are, no matter how great you seem to be, everybody wants to know, “Who says so besides you?”

The referral is a very efficient and low key way of answering that question. Some might call it “name dropping,” but “referral” seems much more dignified. Call it what you will, it’s very effective when done correctly. In fact, it’s quite essential that you know how to use this tool correctly.

About ten minutes into your initial meeting -- after some compliments have been exchanged, and some questions have been answered -- it’s time for this step. Just refer to someone your customer knows and respects as a professional, and indicate your connection with that person. That’s all it takes.

Yes, it’s best if you actually have some personal connection with your referral. But it could be your only connection is a book you’ve read by that individual, or an interview you’ve seen. You’re still showing an affinity with the person you name. Moreover, you’re creating a triangular bond with your customer, who is also interested in that prominent individual.

The referral is a good chance for you to show an insider’s knowledge of your profession or industry. In the real estate business, for example, everyone knows about Donald Trump. But there are many other powerful developers who aren’t media celebrities. By mentioning someone of that sort, you can show that you’re not just an outsider. Instead, you know who the real players are and you can refer to them in a knowledgeable way.

Sometimes this requires a little homework. Just before your meeting, you can leaf through a trade journal and find a story that you can bring up with your client. Just make sure that you explicitly mention the name of the individual who’s the subject of the article. You’ll be surprised by what a powerful association this creates in the mind of your listener.

My friend, you can even use me as a referral. Be my guest!

All the world's a stage...but is that a mocha-colored chip on your shoulder?

This has been a big story for a few days and it still has a way to go. 

Rachel Dolezal is a senior administrator with the NAACP in Spokane, WA. The NAACP, as many people know, is a long-established civil rights organization. Over the decades, it has had many white people as benefactors, and probably a number of white people on staff. 

Rachel Dolezal has been one of those white staffers, except she has identified herself -- perhaps on her application papers, and definitely in her hairstyle -- as black. Recently, however, her parents, who are white, stated that Rachel is also white, and therefore has been other than honest. It's worth noting that the parents have four adopted black children, so they're probably not racists. They just claim to be puzzled by their daughter's behavior, and are uncomfortable with it. 

As an aside, Rachel Dolezal has claimed to be the victim of several "hate crimes" in the form of letters and a noose seen hanging from a tree near her home. The police have found no basis for her claims, and have strongly suggested that she herself planted the evidence. 

There are several angles to this story that have generated interest. Is race something that we "choose"? Can we legitimately self-identify as black or white, just as it's become the consensus that people can self-identify their gender, as in the case of Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner? Is Rachel Dolezal guilty of "cultural appropriation" if she has as Afro haircut? Is she raising important societal questions, or is she merely a head case?

This story puts me in mind of something I learned during my experience as an actor and a standup comedian. Certain people -- and yes, this may be a pathology -- can't function, or connect, or communicate effectively unless there's an element of deception involved. 

From this perspective, an actor who evokes laughter and tears from an audience isn't a "phony" because he's playing a role. Instead, he's accomplishing something he couldn't do in his everyday identity precisely because he's using a false identity to accomplish it. But from a creative (and financial) standpoint, the important thing is that he gets it done. 

No one has said Rachel Dolezal is not effective in her work, which I imagine involves mostly fund raising and event planning. It's possible that presenting herself as a black person has made her more effective, and her organization has benefited. From a business perspective, if she chooses to identify as a black person, should she be allowed to go on doing so? I don't believe it's a crime. Can I go on saying I'm the Easter Bunny if it gets me clients? Even though I'm not really the Easter Bunny?

What do you think?

Here's a link for more on Rachel Dolezal:
http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/13/us/washington-rachel-dolezal-adopted-brother/

Perfect Pitch: Enter the Dragon (in three easy steps!)

In learning martial arts such as karate and judo, a basic technique is known as kata, the Japanese word for “form.” Kata involves the practice of a certain move or series of moves over many repetitions. Eventually the sequence becomes natural, an automatic reflex. The student has done it so many times that it happens all by itself. And an opponent is drawn into the sequence simply by the force of the student’s total familiarity with it.

You can put the principle of kata to good use in any encounter where persuasion is your goal. It’s just a matter of having a sequence of steps so clearly in your mind that they flow naturally and irresistibly. Your client or customer gladly follows along behind the force of your presentation.

So what is the very powerful kata you can use to become so persuasive? What technique can you employ to create connection, motivation, and action in the shortest possible time? The answer is an amazingly simple three-part formula.

First, tell a brief but emphatic personal story that describes a positive change in your life. It can be a transformation that took place over an extended period of time, or it may have happened suddenly as a result of some turning point event. You should relate this event with passion and energy. Ideally, you should almost re-live it. To the extent you’re able to do that, your listeners will live it with you. When you finish the story, the listeners should be energized, engaged, and eager to learn where you are now going to take them.

Part Two of the kata sequence takes much less time than the personal story, but because it’s so brief it should be very hard hitting. This is when you ask listeners to take a single, tangible, simple positive action – and that action should flow naturally from the personal story they’ve just heard.

If you need funds for a charitable endeavor, for instance, ask them to write a check – but ask them to do it writer then and there, and keep the focus on the physical action. In their own minds, let them make the connection between this action and your story. If you’ve told the story effectively, that’s exactly what they’ll do. Just keep it simple and clear. In the fewest possible words, ask for the positive action you want them to take.

Part Three of the kata may take even less time than Part Two. Now you’re inviting listeners to look through the other end of the telescope. The time for the third stage is short, but the focus is much broader. You’re showing your listeners the benefits they’ll gain by taken the action you’ve asked for. Ideally, you refer specifically to only one benefit – but it should be broad enough so that people see why it’s important and worthwhile.

For example, if in stage two you asked a group of students to sign up for a summer school course, in stage three you tell them that this will assure them of college admission. You don’t need to say anything more. In just a few words you paint the picture of a single major benefit that has very broad and positive implications.

That’s all there is to it. So use this three-part kata technique, practice it, and a Black Belt in persuasion will be yours.

Perfect Pitch: Four Steps for Facing Fear

The process of becoming an effective business communicator is never really complete. It’s a dynamic experience in which new thoughts and feelings are always appearing. Totally unexpected emotions can surface, including what I call a version of stage fright. It can happen even if you’re talking with only one other person!

Stage fright can begin very innocently. You may notice what looks like a bored expression on the face of a client or customer. You may wonder to yourself whether your energy level is where it needs to be. You may see the person stealing a glance and their watch, or checking a cellphone. Worst of all, it can all add up to an impression on your part that they have no interest in you at all, that your ideas are completely wrongheaded, and they can’t wait to get out of there. Your stage fright has turned into catastrophic thinking.

It all begins with a loss of focus. Some minor distraction occurs, and you become less and less able to concentrate. The result can be nervousness, memory lapse, sudden fear, and general discomfort. Fortunately, the whole syndrome can be avoided by keeping a few basic ideas in mind. No matter how new or how experienced you may be, run through this mental check list a few minutes before dealing with an important business communication. A few moments of prevention are worth many hours of cure.

Start by reminding yourself that you have prepared to the best of your ability. You have done your research on your product or service, as well as on your customer or client. You may wonder whether you could have done more, but this isn’t the time for second guessing. Instead, you are going to be instinctive and intuitive. Now you’re going to trust your diligent preparation to do its work for you. No more effort or worry is required. Everything you need is already here.

Next, make yourself a promise to relinquish judgment of your communication during the time it’s going on. Self-judgment during a presentation is self-destruction. It takes you out of the present and into the past or future, and destroys the natural flow of your meeting. So rather than judge yourself, simply observe yourself without any inner commentary, but with full positive motivation. When you are about to make a major point, for example, intend to do it and then know that you are doing it, that you’re translating intention into action.

Third, remind yourself not to let the perceived reaction of your client or customer derail your communication. Don’t let anything you see or hear cause you to second guess yourself. If you have done a sufficient amount of preparation, you may feel that you know how listeners will react to your message. But preparation is not a perfect solution. So keep your poise. Don’t overthink what’s taking place. For the period of time that you’re speaking, have the attitude that you need only to please yourself.

Finally and most importantly, enjoy the communication you’re engaged in. This is the time when you can finally share with your clients what you have worked so hard to achieve. This is an opportunity for satisfaction, not an occasion for being distracted by real or imagined errors. There will be time for that later. Right now, your real thoughts and emotions should take over. Don't allow minor details to obscure what’s really taking place. Let your excitement for the opportunity be completely present – because the only thing you have to fear really is fear itself. 

Perfect Pitch: You talk too much! (or not enough)

                                              I could have talked all night
                                   I could have talked all night
                                  And still have talked some more.
                                  I could have spread my wings
                                 And said a thousand things
                                 I've never said before....
                                          (Apologies to Julie Andrews!)

In the old days people could really talk. Talking was considered an art form, and an academic discipline known as rhetoric. This pertained mostly to public speaking, but the principles are also relevant to one-on-one interactions.

Oral communication was understood to consist of four basic elements: invention, arrangement, style, and memory. 

Those categories are actually still very applicable today, and they’re intuitively understood by everybody who really communicates well. Today and in my next three posts we’ll look at these topics one by one.

What used to be called invention really means just having something interesting to say. You can’t be a great talker if you don’t have anything of value to talk about.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop a lot of people. Plenty of men and women can hold forth for a long time without any good reason to do so. This can happen at the board of directors meeting for a major corporation, it can happen on parents’ night at a nursery school, or (worst of all) it can happen on an airplane, where the window is the only way out. Usually compulsive talkers talk when they have nothing to say, but sometimes they have too much to say and they’re just trying to fit it all in.

There’s also another category of person who actually does have valuable information to share, but who’s afraid to say anything. That’s also a failure of what used to be called invention.

Right now, ask yourself where you stand on that spectrum. Are you someone who feels the need to talk for talking’s own sake? Or do you back away from communicating even when people would benefit from what you have to say?
         
Try to be ruthlessly honest about this. It’s not easy, because most people are amazingly unaware of their true nature as communicators. Plus, this is something that other people will usually be uncomfortable discussing with you.

Questions like, “Did I talk too much?” or “Was I too quiet?” or “Did I make a fool of myself?” may not get a frank answer. But if you train yourself to give focused attention to what you say, how you say it, and how people seem to be reacting, you can probably make a pretty accurate assessment on your own.

Perfect Pitch: No thank you!

Whether you’re speaking in private to one client, or to a larger
group in a formal presentation, all good things must come to an
end. Sooner or later you will need to wrap it all up and stop talking. 

Just as what you say first is important, what you say last may be
even more essential. So what should it be? And what should it not be?

First off, don’t use “thank you” as a substitute for powerful closing phrase. It’s impossible to imagine Steve Jobs ending a presentation with “thank you.” The idea of Abraham Lincoln or Theodore Roosevelt doing so is positively laughable. Instead, think of a phase that summarizes your message in the fewest possible words – something that will stay in the head of your listener at least for the time it takes to reach the parking lot, and maybe even for a long time to come. Close with that phrase. Your listeners will be thankful that you did that, so don’t worry about thanking them.

Just as you shouldn’t start a business conversation with an apology, don’t end with one either.  “I guess I’ve rambled on long enough.” “I don’t know if I’ve made this clear, but I’ll stop now.” “I hope I haven’t bored you too much.” There are hundreds of these apologetic phrases floating around. On the surface, they seem to be charmingly self-deprecating – but they’re really “humble bragging,” a way speakers congratulate themselves for their own humility. They’re also an attempt to disarm any criticism from listeners by beating them to the punch.

Don’t make your windup disproportionately long. Don’t introduce a whole new idea in the final thirty seconds of your meeting. Stay on message. Be careful not to burden your conclusion with ideas or messages that you didn’t even mention in your presentation. That runs the risk of confusing your listener and obscuring your original message.

What you should be creating at the end is a summary, a conclusion, and a very concise call to action. This call to action should be congruent in both tone and content with all that you’ve said before. It should be clear and specific. Your listeners should be left with no doubt about what you're asking or recommending, and the reason to act should be framed in what matters to them. What big problem are you showing them how to solve? Why are you the one who’s best qualified to do that? Show how this conversation can translate into tangible benefits, and how your call to action serves their interests.

And again, don’t say thank you. If you’ve presented yourself correcting, they’ll be the ones doing the thanking.

Perfect Pitch: This Is Madness

If you’ve watched Mad Men on AMC, you know that some of the show’s most dramatic moments take place during presentations and pitch meetings with ad agency clients. That’s when Don Draper, the lead character, waxes poetic about products including laxatives, baked beans, and cigarettes.

But is that realism, or fantasy? What really makes an effective pitch session?

Here’s one essential principle. A great business presentation is captivating when it makes us forget about the speaker and become absorbed in the talk. To make that happen, you’ve got to edit out anything that deflects your listeners’ focus. Practice your delivery over and over until you remove the distractions including nervous tics and uncomfortable pauses. Pay particular attention to your body language. Is it non-existent or excessive? Good presenters seem natural but energized. That’s what you want to strive for.

Don’t try to be funny unless you really are funny. Humor is too often misused and over-used. (Don Draper never makes jokes!) Presenters often feel tempted to deliver the stand up comedy version of their product or service. Your listeners aren’t there to laugh. What they care about is your ability to help them deal with challenges and opportunities in their business. Show that you’re familiar with their problems, and that you’re there to solve them.  

Only give a presentation after you understand the client’s unique motivation to buy your product or service. Before you can credibly provide solutions to the client’s problems, you need to understand specifically what those problems are. That seems obvious, but prescribing the remedy before making the diagnosis is a very common mistake.

So ask lots of questions and pay close attention to the answers. But don’t turn the encounter into a therapy session. Translate issues into dollars and cents. Find out what a problem is costing the client. Also determine the bottom line benefits that will materialize when that problem is solved.

The more relevant your presentation is to a client’s bottom line, the greater their interest will be. Forget the rest. Your prospect won’t be listening. If you give a standard, one size fits all presentation – hoping that something you say will ring a bell -- chances are that bell is not going to ring.

Finally, make sure you’re presenting to people with the authority to buy. Putting together an effective presentation is a lot of work. You don’t want to have to do it again for the real decision makers, so get those decision makers into the room the first time around.

Perfect Pitch: Fear of Flopping

If you’re afraid of cold calling, or speaking before a group, or making a presentation to a client, what is it you’re really afraid of? Unless you’re addressing a hostile audience in some very dangerous region of the world, you probably don’t have to worry about physical violence. And even if you were to suddenly draw a complete blank, it’s unlikely that anyone will laugh out loud at you. On the contrary, everyone knows that making a presentation is a challenge -- so your listeners would probably be very sympathetic.

With this in mind, let’s consider what people are really afraid of, and how to deal with that fear.

It’s not totally blowing it that we fear. It’s being anything less than perfect. Nervous speakers aren’t afraid of striking out. They’re afraid of not hitting a grand slam home run. They’re also afraid that they’ll be recognized as being afraid, which only makes the fear worse. For some reason, perfectionism seems to be built into the concept of business communication, yet perfectionism is just the opposite of what a good communicator should be feeling. This is true not only emotionally, but physically as well.

You’ve probably heard of the so-called fight or flight response. It’s the primal yes or no question that your brain asks when you’re faced with a stress inducing situation. It’s the hardwired prehistoric choice that still exists in our minds, even in the 21^st century. Are we going to confront this threat like a good caveman or cavewoman? Or are we going to run to the back of the cave and hide from it? Never mind that what we’re confronting is not a dinosaur, but the weekly meeting of the PTA. At the deepest level, the human brain doesn’t make those kinds of distinctions. When you’re feeling stressed by an unfamiliar circumstance, your brain thinks everything is on the line.

The fight or flight response leads to some very well documented physical reactions – and a couple of them are very unfortunate with respect to public speaking. It doesn’t really matter that the pupils of your eyes dilate, or that your digestive system begins to shut down. But the fight or flight response also causes a very powerful inhibition of the vocal cords. At the neurobiological level, the ability to talk is blocked. You capability to speak is actually paralyzed. 

As if that weren’t enough, your facial muscles can also freeze up. So you’re not able to say anything, and you’re not even able to grin and bear it. The fight or flight response has turned you into a cigar store Indian. This is exactly what you were afraid of, right? And that’s exactly why it happened: because you were afraid!

The truth is, even many highly accomplished public speakers continue to experience a certain level of stage fright, regardless of how many talks they’ve given. They accept it as a fact of life. They don’t have to completely erase the fear in order to bring it under control. They’re pragmatists rather than perfectionists. Stage fright may come and go, but it usually does not vanish permanently. The key to success is just putting into the right perspective. 

Perfect Pitch: Seeking commitment

The single need shared by all clients and customers is to feel relief from some form of pain. Truly, relief from pain – which may be mild or severe – is what every buyer wants. Eliminating the negative experience of pain is a much stronger incentive to action than upside opportunities. It’s just human nature.  

But the pain of waiting a few minutes for your computer to boot up is very different from the pain of trying to get health insurance coverage for a chronic illness. While relief from pain is always a client's dominant buying motive, the nature and intensity of that pain covers a wide range of experiences. But regardless of the specific nature of your client's pain, your ongoing task is to highlight the relief you can provide. Make sure this primary benefit is understood. Be absolutely certain that the solution you’re selling is clear.  

You can do this using this two step process. First, clarify the discomfort that your client is now experiencing. Then make it equally clear that you have a solution to that specific discomfort.  

Both of these steps are very important. But what makes them really effective are the bridging devices that need to be placed between the steps. We can refer to those bridges as commitments. 

A commitment is any agreement on the part of the client to take another step forward toward finalizing a business relationship. In other words, a commitment moves us nearer to the close, but it is not the close itself. Very often a commitment is simply a very basic statement like, "Let's keep talking."

Trying to move into the close too soon -- without ever asking for the commitments that make the close feasible -- is a very common mistake. Again, you must first remind the client of the difficulty that he or she currently has to live with. Then you must make it clear that you have a product or service to change that situation for the better.  

Once you have identified and clarified for the client that he or she is enduring a certain amount of pain, you then request agreement about that fact. You ask the buyer to agree with you that there is indeed a problem. That agreement is a commitment, albeit a limited one. All you have to do is invite the client to acknowledge that there is indeed a problem. Once you’ve done that, you’ve gotten a commitment that authorizes you to keep talking. Sometimes (or often) that's enough for one day!

Perfect Pitch: What's so funny?

Humor is a powerful tool for communication – but it’s not just a laughing matter. It should be used carefully, and there are times when it shouldn’t be used at all. Generally speaking, if you can convey your message in an amusing and entertaining manner – that’s great. But if humor is used awkwardly or distastefully, you can seriously damage your cause.

The problem is, it’s not always easy to know when humor is appropriate and when it isn’t – because this seems to be one subject on which everyone considers himself an expert. More specifically, it’s very rare to hear someone say, “I just don’t have a good sense of humor.” And in fact it’s very difficult to prove them wrong, because humor is a totally subjective quality.

If you say that you can beat the Wimbledon champion in a tennis game, there is an objective way of proving whether that’s true or not. The proof will appear on the scoreboard. But if you say that there’s nothing funny about the latest comedy TV show, it’s completely a matter of opinion. Even if everyone else in the room is laughing, you can shrug your shoulders and say they’re wrong. They just don’t have good taste in humor, and you do.

In a business presentation, it doesn’t really matter whether you think something is funny. What matters is what the listeners think. So while in theory every presentation can benefit from a humorous element, in practice this depends on several variables: are you funny or aren’t you? Can you use humor effectively or not?

You’ve probably met people who could not tell a joke if their lives depended on it. Yet those people might actually be very funny individuals, precisely because they’re so inept at being funny. If any general statement can be made about humor, it might be this: everyone can use humor effectively, once they find the type of humor that firs their personality and their speaking style. It all comes back to that good old axiom from ancient Greece: Know thyself.

Humor is too serious to be taken lightly – but it can also be an extremely valuable personal attribute. So give humor some serious thought. You’ll see that humor is more than just a way to add entertainment value to a conversation. It fulfills a very basic need in human beings. People don’t just want to laugh – they need to laugh. If you can help them do that, it’s as if you’ve given food to a hungry person. You’ve not only made their lives easier. You actually helped them survive. And they’ll be very receptive to your message as a result.

So did you hear about the duck who complained to the electric company? He was angry about his bill. (Yuk yuk!) 

Perfect Pitch: Give it to me straight...

By asking frank, direct, and diplomatic questions, you can quickly determine the potential for working together with a new contact. I like to ask open-ended, action-based questions that are grounded in the “let’s keep talking” principle. Some good questions of that kind might be, “Have you ever worked with an executive recruiter before? What was your experience? What would you like your experience to be?”

When you ask those kind of questions, you encourage clients in a non-threatening way to share relevant stories from their own experience. Those stories will put you in a much better position to gauge the possibilities for a mutually beneficial relationship.

When speaking with a new contact, focus on simple questions that illuminate what the client actually does. Skip the fluff. If you’re afraid of seeming too inquisitive, that fear can cost you many more clients than an overly aggressive style. We all want to be liked but that desire shouldn’t get in the way of solid business practices. Sometimes it seems more comfortable in the short run to start a friendly relationship than to gain information that can build a solid business partnership. Don’t let that happen.

People in my line of work face a lot of rejection so they tend to be very open to praise and positive feedback from prospective clients. And for the clients, the early phases of a relationship can be like having a free consultation about their favorite subject, which is themselves. All this provides frequent strokes for both sides. If this early relationship seems so good, it may seem natural to assume that the relationship should go forward.

But if the client is not legitimately qualified, it’s only a matter of time before both parties realize that this isn’t a fit. But by then you may have wasted valuable time. Yes, “let’s keep talking”…but not forever and not with everyone.

Perfect Pitch: "The hell you're in right now...."

When you engage a new client during the earliest stages of a business relationship, you’re not doing this just for the experience of human bonding. This is a business connection. It will be wonderful if your new client eventually develops into a lifelong friend, but that’s not something you can focus on now. Let’s be frank. For the time being it’s about money. You want to make money for yourself, and you want to that you can make money for your news client as well. That’s how things can move forward.

Toward that end, you’ll want to ask your client some qualifying questions to make sure there’s a possibility for a productive and profitable relationship. Qualifying questions are a well-established element in emergent business relationships and many of the most common ones haven’t changed since at least the middle of the 20^th century.

Here’s a typical qualifying question: “Would you like some information about our company and what we do?”

Here’s another one: "If you felt that our program could help your company improve efficiency, reduce overhead and at the same time, improve quality, is this something that you would want to know more about?" This tries to be more proactive, but is it really just more long-winded?

A long-standing sales myth has grown up around these types of questions. The myth is that they enable salespeople to build rapport with the prospects they encounter on the phone or in person. They’re also supposed to provide valuable tactical information.

But they don’t. Questions like those turn potential clients off and shut down lines of communication. If you doubt this, ask yourself how you would respond to those questions from someone who had just called you on the telephone or had come in to meet you for the first time.

Would you open up? Would you say: “Yes, please share as much information as possible about your company, because I can’t wait to hear it?”

Would you say: “I’m so glad you’re here? I was hoping a total stranger would get in touch with me this morning to discuss the one aspect of my current arrangement that I would change. It’s shipping. We have a real problem with on-time delivery from our current vendor.”

No, you wouldn’t say any of those things. You’d probably say something neutral or vaguely polite – or, if you were having a hard day, you might even end the conversation then and there. But you wouldn’t be likely to share all the information about your situation that you knew and that the salesperson doesn’t know.

That’s because these kinds of elaborate “qualifying” questions are not really based on what the buyer wants. They’re based on what you want, which is to find out if this guy is worth your time and, if so, how can you get him to keep talking. But clients aren’t interested in doing those things for you. They’re interested in their own situation.

So how do you connect yourself with that interest? How do you find out what the client really needs, and also make yourself indispensable to fulfilling those needs?

Here’s what you say. Whether these will be your exact words will be is up to you, but this is the essence of what you want to get across to a potential client as soon as possible.

First you say, “I can show you how to get into heaven, but that’s not the best thing I can do for you.”

Then you say, “Even better than showing you how you can get into heaven tomorrow, I can show you how to get out of the hell you’re in right now.”

Does that sound radical? I hope so. I’ll have more to say about this in my next post.

Perfect Pitch: Think Positive!

Many people -- even the most financially successful -- carry around a mental suitcase full of negative messages about themselves. I was one of those people for many years. Are you another? The self-destructive thinking may have originated with parents, teachers, bosses, colleagues, or even our own imaginations. But that doesn't really matter. The important thing is, we always have the capacity to reframe those ideas and make positive beliefs a conscious choice.

Sometimes we get positive pictures of ourselves from others. Hold on to them! Don't hesitate to start a folder or notebook to collect acknowledgments, thank-you notes, good reviews, positive evaluations, and other tangible evidence of your abilities. As you’re compiling these positive messages, also take time to identify negative beliefs that can be undermining your sense of self.

Here’s a suggestion. Write down four self-criticisms or negative beliefs that may be affecting you. Then adjust those negatives to reflect a more positive, accepting view of yourself or the situation. Support your new, positive view with specific evidence.

For example, you may have a negative belief that you’re a disorganized person. Actually, you may be very organized. You just have an awful lot to do. So you might write something like this: “Last week, in addition to my other responsibilities, I planned a new software implementation. I ran a meeting, revised 12 documents, and made 53 calls. It takes plenty of organization to coordinate all that!”

As Debra Benton wrote in her book Lions Don't Need To Roar, "Life is a series of relationships, and business is a series of relationships with money attached." In business, and in life, we are constantly challenged to work with and through other people. But it can be very difficult to work with others when negative opinions of yourself get in the way.

Perfect Pitch: Questions

If giving compliments is the first step in rapport-building with a client, the second step is asking questions. Once again, uniqueness and originality are essential. Care about the answer to your question. Demonstrate this through your tone of voice and the expression on your face. By giving positive attention, you have a chance to get positive attention.

Ask unique questions that take some thought to answer. That’s the way to get greater connection from your client. Despite how it may seem, the person asking questions controls the direction and the flow of any conversation. Conversely, if you just start talking, you may seem to be in control – but there’s a good chance your client has simply stopped listening.

Your real purpose is to make clients know that you care about them. Even in a business conversation, people long to be heard and understood. You should genuinely want to find out as much as you can about their problems -- and especially how they perceive their problems. Because solutions to those problems are what you’re really selling.

Remember that all questions aren't equal. Some are much more effective than others – and what really defines an effective question is changing all the time. Clients today are much more aware of questions that seem to be insincere or manipulative. For instance, twenty years ago business conversations routinely included hokey phrases like these:

                “What would you say if…?”

                “What would you do if….?”

                “Would you buy today if…?”

Questions like these are thinly disguised traps for a client – but today nobody is going to fall for that. Nobody is going to be put in the position of letting you set a time limit or an agenda for their buying decisions. It’s much more effective to ask genuinely open ended questions that really show what’s on a client’s mind. Above all, you want to get the other person talking – and the more they talk, the better off you are. Some examples of open-ended questions are these:

What can you tell me about your organization?

How would you like things to be improved?

What are the barriers to making that happen?

How can we eliminate those obstacles?

Behind all these questions there’s a single insight; people want to know what you can do for them, especially by helping them solve their problems. But before you can do that, you need to know as much as possible about what their problems are. That’s why questions are so useful, and so important.  

Perfect Pitch: Compliments

                                

The basis of building rapport with a client -- or with anyone, really -- is to connect with what that interests them most. And what interests them most (of course) is themselves. Compliments are verbal tools for connecting with that self-interest in a very compelling way. But there a certain amount of skill is still required.

Everyone likes compliments but people can also be suspicious of them, especially in a business setting. If a compliment seems insincere or generic it can do more harm than good. In particular, wealthy and successful people are always getting compliments. If they’re smart, they see right through them. Even if they’re not smart, they can still get bored with an endless stream of praise.

In order to be effective with your compliments, you’ll need to make sure they satisfy two related criteria. First, they should be original, and second, they should be delivered in a way that shows sincerity and good intentions. 

If you’re in the office of a corporate CEO on the top floor of a high rise building, making a compliment about the view won’t get you very far. Probably ninety percent of the people who walk into that office say something about the view. If you’re another one, it’s a missed opportunity. 

So challenge yourself to think of something a bit more original. What else can you think of besides the view? If you’ve done preparation for the meeting, you ought to know something about your customers and their companies. Where do they come from? Where did they go to school? Has there been any positive news recently about their company in the media? 

The internet is so vast that almost everybody and everything gets mentioned somewhere. Find a way of positively referring to something you’ve learned about your customer. Just make sure you do it an informal and casual way. It shouldn’t seem like you’ve stayed up all night studying websites for this. And it shouldn’t be delivered in a stiff, mechanical way.

Keep in mind also that a really good complement should be one that you can deliver with the right tone of voice and with just the right mix of genuineness and humor. Again, remember that powerful people are suspicious of complements just as much as they like them. If you show you’re knowledgeable and excited about an area of common interest, your compliment will be unique. Then it will be a good start toward building rapport.

Giving compliments can be the first step in building rapport. The second step is asking questions. That will be the topic of my next post.