A Kick in the Career: Meet Jerry Pudnik!

Sometimes – maybe quite often – it’s hard to take advice. Even really good advice can be hard to accept and act upon. People just don’t like to be told what to do, even if it’s the right thing to do. Go figure!

Sure, I can tell you all the valuable wisdom I’ve gleaned in my illustrious business career. But will you drop what you’re doing and start acting on that information immediately? No, that’s very unlikely, despite the fact that doing so might financially benefit you. In fact, it’s much more probable that you’ll be counting the seconds until I finally shut up. Why? Because you resist being told what to do, even when it’s in your best interests. Once again, that’s just human nature.

But I do want to help you. I do want to share what I’ve learned, and what I’m still learning. That’s why I’ve created a new character named Jerry Pudnik. 

By listening carefully to what Jerry Pudnik says, you will definitely become a more effective and persuasive communicator. When that happens, there’s a good chance your income will go up as well.

But here’s the best part. You don’t have to take Jerry Pudnik’s advice. You don’t have to do what he says. On the contrary, you shouldn’t do what he says. You should do the opposite of what he says, because Jerry Pudnik is always wrong. He’s a genius, but he’s a genius in reverse.

Isn’t that beautiful? Now, instead of having to learn from someone older and wiser than yourself, you can learn from someone dumber than yourself – and by doing the opposite of what he says, you can exercise your rebellious, anti-social tendencies at the same time. It’s a win/win.

Well, that’s enough preliminary. Let’s take Jerry Pudnik for a test drive. Let’s do some Q&A with Jerry Pudnik and find out just how wrong he can be.

Question: Jerry, suppose someone confides in you about a very emotional, personal problem they’re having, what’s the best way to respond? For instance, if someone tells you about a health issue that’s going on in their family, or perhaps even a death, what can you say to make them feel better?

Jerry Pudnik: That’s easy, Tom! When people tell me their problems – especially their emotional problems – what they really want to hear is how I had an even worse problem and how I dealt with it. For instance, not long ago a colleague of mine was feeling very sad because her dog passed on. I listened patiently, I heard her out – and then I told her about when my cat died. It’s was as simple as that. I also asked a few leading questions. I said, “How old was your dog?” When she told me that her dog was thirteen years old, I replied that my cat was fourteen! The main point is, instead of letting her go on about herself and her dog, I shifted the conversation so it became about me and my cat!

Brilliant, isn’t it? What’s more, you may be aware that many (if not most) people are already acting on this Pudnik Principle. Every day, millions of people play the game of “Topper,” as the late, great Zig Ziglar called it. They respond to someone’s difficulty by narrating a bigger difficulty of their own – and make no mistake, they’re deeply resented for it.

So be aware of the temptation to make every conversation about you. That’s the lesson to be learned today from Jerry Pudnik, the man who’s always wrong. There will be much more to come!

Check out this Zig Ziglar video on YouTube. Maybe a little old fashioned, but old fashioned fun:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRMogDrHnMQ

A Kick in the Career: "What's funny about me?"

Thank you for all the responses to my blog! Since I have a
background in comedy, I’m especially gratified by the comments
on my humor posting (“What’s so funny” April 9, 2015.) So let’s
explore that topic a little further, shall we, ladies and gentlemen?
Anybody here from Jersey?

The worst feeling in the world – maybe not the worst, but definitely a very bad feeling – is telling a joke and nobody gets it. You’re really helpless when that happens, and it’s best to simply accept the helplessness. If you try to “explain” the joke, you’ll just make everything worse.

You see, once a joke has failed, it’s failed permanently. You can’t explain a joke in order to make it funny. Jokes can be analyzed, both funny jokes and unfunny ones, but that’s a different process. It should happen later, after the joke has succeeded or failed.

I used to visit with Jerry Seinfeld when he was on tour. Once, after watching his act from backstage, I was able to speak with him about a joke he’d used.

He was talking about how life can suck in general, and then he said to the audience, "All our lives suck, but mine sucks a little bit less than yours.”

Is that funny? Well, he got a huge laugh. I told him I thought it was a risky joke because it referenced the advantages of fame and money that many in his audience probably didn’t share. Usually a comedian wants sympathy and identification. Condescension is anathema to creating the trust from the audience that the performer needs to have.

That’s the conventional wisdom -- and though it really is conventional, it also really is wisdom. But Seinfeld’s joke worked because he had a deeper understanding of why the joke would be funny. The humor lay not in the content of what he said, but in the fact that he was being socially inappropriate, and doing it blatantly.

Jerry understood the conventional expectations of the audience, and then he audaciously trumped those expectations. The audience rewarded him for not pulling his punches with false modesty, and laughed at his temerity in stating the truth.

Well, we can't all be Seinfeld, not even Jimmy Kimmel. The joke was a superb strategy for Jerry, but I was not wrong in pointing out its riskiness. Whether you’re doing standup or trying to sign an important new client, it’s best to throw the ball over the middle of the plate…unless you’re sure you can hit it out of the park.

Wait a minute, does that make sense? If you’re the pitcher, you can’t also be the batter. But I won’t try to explain it! Anybody here from Jersey?

Kick in the Career: Why did Donald Duck call the electric company?

Humor is one of my favorite subjects and the ability to use it well can be a powerful business tool. But as I’ve mentioned in the past, humor, or attempts at humor, are frequently overused or misused because basic principles of humor are incorrectly understood.

I’ve often been struck by the fact that movie audiences will laugh at comedies even when nothing funny is happening. They laugh because they want to laugh, or even need to laugh. They go to comedies for the same reason they go to a restaurant. Laughing, like eating, is a hardwired requirement of their existence. In order to use humor effectively, you just have to connect a listener’s built-in desire to laugh, and fulfill that desire at a serviceable level.

Being a “funny person” is not an essential requirement. What is essential is a desire to be funny, and the ability to communicate that desire to your listeners. If you can show a listener that you at least want them to laugh, they’re certain to go along with you – because remember: laughter is something they want and need.

People fail with humor when they fail to make their humorous intentions clear. If they know they’ve bought a ticket to a comedy, they’ll act the way they’re supposed to act at a comedy. But if they’re not sure what kind of a show they’re seeing, they won’t be in their “funny gear.” And if they’re not in their funny gear, they’re not going to laugh – because they’re not sure that’s what they’re supposed to do.

When listeners are in “funny gear,” they’ll accept your humor in a playful way and enjoy it. But if they’re in “serious gear,” nothing will make them laugh. Either they won’t understand what they’re supposed to do, or they’ll resent the fact that they’re now being asked to laugh by somebody that they don’t think is funny.

So why did Donald Duck call the electric company? Because he wanted to talk about his bill! Now that’s funny! 

A Kick In The Career: Worried About Worrying?

In business or social situations, how is it that some people make such a positive impression? What behaviors actually imprint a person on your memory in a highly positive way -- while there are other people whom you can’t forget soon enough? The answers are found in a small number of key social skills.

These are among the most important abilities a person can have. Human beings are social animals -- and a lack of social skills can lead to a lonely life. On the other hand, mastery of social skills can be of great help in every area of your life and career. And while these abilities are inborn in a certain percentage of people, they can also be learned.

The most important social skill is not about anything you do, but about how you feel. It’s just the capacity to relax in a social or business setting. Stress and anxiety are contagious. When you seem ill at ease, that feeling is transmitted to others around you. If you seem confident and composed, there’s a good chance you’ll encounter that same state of mind in everyone else.

In developing the ability to relax, the first step is identifying what might make you anxious or agitated. This varies from person to person -- but among people who really have a problem with interpersonal situations, there’s one anxiety that’s stands out above all others. It’s anxiety about anxiety. It’s nervousness about being nervous. It’s worry about worrying. It’s the fear of being found out as an anxious person -- which elevates the very behaviors you’re trying to hide.

If this self-confirming anxiety is a problem for you, here’s a suggestion: honesty is the best policy. Without overly dramatizing your feelings, just mention that you’re sometimes a bit uneasy meeting new people or speaking in public. Think about how you’ll do this beforehand. Injecting a little humor is always a good idea. The main point is to be out front about the issue, and thereby to defuse it. Rest assured that nobody is going to hold this against you. In fact, admitting these very human feelings is a great way to get people on your side.

Keep in mind also that certain actions act as triggers for anxiety, even though you may think they’re calming you down. Try not to do anything too quickly, whether it’s walking, talking, eating, or even sitting down in a chair. Rapid, jerky motions awaken a primitive fight-or-flight syndrome that’s the last thing you want. So take your time. Sub-vocally, tell yourself to relax. You’ll be surprised at the heightened level of confidence you feel, and the positive effect it has on people around you. 

A Kick in the Career: In one box and out the other

Needless to say, virtually everyone hates cold calling – and the preferred alternative has become introduction by email. I’m not at all convinced that’s a positive development but, as the old saying goes, “you can’t fight city hall.” So if you’re going to drum up business using email, you at least ought to do it right.

Most introductory emails contain a traditional three-part sales pitch: the introduction, a mini-presentation about the product or service being offered, and a request for a response. The trouble is, that instantly tells recipients that the email’s objective is to attain your goals rather than theirs.

But focusing on your needs instead of the buyer’s is likely to be counterproductive. So if you're still using email to connect with new prospects, watch out for these pitfalls:

First, avoid obvious sales pitches. Make your message about issues and problems that you believe your prospects are having, but don't say anything to indicate that you're assuming that both of you are a match.

Second, remove your company name from the subject line. Don’t create the impression that you can't wait to give a presentation about your products and services. Your subject line should refer to concerns that you can help they buyer solve.

Third, stop teaching your prospects how to hide behind email. When you rely on email, it's easy for buyers to avoid you by not responding. Also, they get used to never picking up the phone and talking with you. They may be afraid to show any interest because they think you'll try to close them. This creates sales pressure, which is the basis so many woes.

Fourth, avoid using "I" at the start of your message. Starting an e-mail with "I" gives the impression that you care mainly about selling your product or service. What you need to do is open a conversation. So use collaborative rather than individual phrasings. If you can use the language of a natural conversation, your buyer won’t stereotype your message as a spam solicitation.

Finally, see if you can, stop using e-mail selling almost altogether. You should think of e-mail as your last resort. If you can learn to pick up the phone without fear, start a trusting conversation with a gatekeeper, learn how to go beyond voice mail and reach the decision makers, you'll have a real breakthrough.

A Kick In The Career: Story Time!

On his blog, business advisor Don Metznik has some great insights on how storytelling can increase a company’s ability to attract customers. Don emphasizes the value of creating a narrative not only about your product or service, but also about your business as a whole. This can be extremely compelling to your prospects.

Why not take up this challenge in your career? Craft a short story out of what you have to offer. Draw prospective employers into your experience as if they were reading a short story by Hemingway or listening to a monologue from David Sedaris.

But I would never send you into literary territory without a template. So let’s try it….

As the sun’s rays sank low over the (name of town you grew up in) horizon, my father called me in for dinner. I was engrossed in (name of childhood hobby that holds clear value as having prepared you for your current career) and did not hear him.  Weary of my impertinence, but curious about my activity, the old man stepped toward me and eyed with interest my (aforementioned hobby object). His eyes widened.

            “Well, [son or daughter],” he said, “That’s pretty darn good. You might have a career in (job you are interviewing for) some day.”

            The seasons passed as they do in the fullness of time. As father predicted, the skills evidenced by my formative experience with (aforementioned hobby) shaped my professional development, and soon, with heavy heart, I left the safety of home behind and struck out on my own, excelling at (college or university of your choice) in the field of (study area related to your early genius at aforementioned hobby), thus solidifying my capabilities for independent thinking, taking on enormous responsibility and the complicated eventuality of earning more than my parents ever did.

            At (previous employer), I began in the (mail room or some other bottom-rung position), where I patiently mastered my craft and learned how to effectively interface with even the most difficult of personalities, making me invaluable to my employer, who also became a mentor and friend and wrote the letter of recommendation you now hold in your hand. My interpersonal skills soon found me promoted to a corner office, where the sun shone through the giant panel windows, poignantly recalling the sunset in (name of town you grew up in) on the day my father first recognized the gifts I might be able to bring to the world.

            And now, as the richness of life is revealed by your kind decision to bring me in for an interview, I can see in your eyes the same encouragement and nurturing I perceived in the eyes of the only person I can confidently say was greater than you: my father. I am confident that you will also look over my shoulder and perceive the genius he once saw in me.

            What’s that? Yes, I do happen to have a Kleenex on me. Here you go….

Perhaps a little hyperbole here and there, but writing this was fun—and creating an interconnecting arc of life your experience really can help you stand out in an interview. Let them see what your story is, and chances are they’ll want to be a part of it.    

Here’s the link to Don Metznik’s blog:
http://www.metznik.com/blog/bid/71702/Two-Easy-Ways-To-Use-Storytelling-To-Strengthen-Customer-Acquisition?goback=%2Egde_82194_member_5798497008532611075#%21

A Kick In The Career: Honey, I Shrunk the Workplace

 People often ask me, “Tom, how have you managed to keep your marriage together over many years, even though you work in a high-stress, high-maintenance field? What’s your secret?”

I usually reply that I’m so busy that my spouse and I never see each other -- which works out better for both of us.

Just kidding, of course, although my wife may refute that! But really, how do we really keep workplace stress – including being “too busy” – separate from our relationships? We all bring problems home from work, and sometimes they bleed into tension between couples. The burdens of dealing with a demanding boss or a toxic co-worker can permeate the interactions of what should be a loving couple.

I have developed some strategies over the years to assist in not bringing the work home with me. Here are a few of them:

Punch the Clown. You know those inflatable clowns that sway back and forth when you pummel them? My wife and I gather in the garage after any stressful day and do a little Muhammad Ali on them together. It’s a way for us each to show our support for what the other is going through. When she’s had a stressful day and I haven’t, I will still join her in the clown socking. She does the same for me. When we picture the clown as whoever ruined our day, we can’t help but laugh -- and nothing diffuses tension like laughter. Except maybe partial nudity. But that’s for another blog.

Binge Watch Bonding. Connecting over several seasons of a great TV show is an excellent way to unwind and process feelings. The people in long form television shows are usually far more messed up and in far more trouble than any of us could ever be. Art is an interpretation of the collective human experience. You know that whoever created your favorite show has felt something like you’ve felt at one time or another. Stories of any kind usually include someone releasing emotion, so if you end up sniffling a little bit, no problem. Just don’t start thinking about Breaking Bad as a resource for role models.

Call in Sick Together. This brings all the excitement of a forbidden vacation, without all the expense and poorly circulated airplane oxygen. It’s especially rewarding if you can do it while the kids are at school. It will feel like you are back to the early days of dating again, except you won’t have to try so hard to impress each other. (But do please wear deodorant).

Take a Walk Together. Does outdoor physical activity somehow create a calming effect that puts things into perspective? Who’d have thunk it, right? Oh, and notice how every suggestion so far has involved doing things together? The last thing either of you need is a brooding spouse going all quiet in the other room. I can’t stand that spouse, especially when it’s me.

Problem Puking. When you don’t feel like getting even the slightest bit creative, just set aside time after work every day to check in and see if there are any problems to puke out at each other. No judgment, no comparison, just being a sounding board. The best part about this strategy is that some days you won’t have to do it! (And that leaves more time for binge watching.)

Work and life are always going to be butting against each other. Our sanity depends on how often we kick that butting in the butt!

A Kick In The Career: Let’s See Your C.V.

There are lots of things you can do to improve your life. Give up fatty foods, for example, or get more exercise. Take a meditation or yoga class. (But why is the so-called downward facing dog pose so popular in the stately and dignified discipline of yoga? Not exactly a power position for the next interview.)

And there is always one thing you can do to improve your economic outlook: make sure your resume is up to snuff.  Reviewing your accomplishments can be a self-affirming experience. It can psych you up for diving into the job market.  So instead of binge watching American Horror Story when you should be trolling LinkedIn, you can make sure your resume sparkles by avoiding a few key mistakes. Here’s how:

EIGHT MISTAKES I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT MAKE ON MY RESUME 

1.     Forget to spell check. You really don’t want a prospective employer to see that you worked for the professional services firm of Delight & Tush, do you?

2.     Use a funky font. Your new maybe boss has thousands of these things to go through. The last thing he or she needs is to try and figure out how to read your name in Brush Script.

3.     Include irreverent, irrelevant personal interests. If you are applying for an aerospace job, you are within your rights to include the fact that you are a weekend pilot. But if you are applying for a job with an accounting firm, you needn’t mention your stint as Gandalf at the Renaissance Faire.

4.     Use buzzwords instead of emphasizing performance. If you increased productivity at your last job by fifty percent, say so. Nobody cares that you were “part of an aggressive, team-centered workforce.”

5.     Forget to customize your objective. That statement about wanting to carve out a niche as someone who is admired for taking on sacred cows is okay for the sales job. But when you don’t bother to change it for the job at the slaughterhouse, well, don’t blame them for being confused.

6.     Fashion a ‘clever’ standout resume. Unless you are applying for a job as a designer for a shooter game, please don’t include any DVDs with your resume. And no, your funny hanging mobile made from the logos of your last six companies will not go over well.

7.     Fail to demonstrate why they need you. If the job listing asks for one set of skills, and the key words in your resume match a total of none of them, perhaps you will be joining your friends in the shredder.

8.     Be all over the place. Your resume should demonstrate an easily identifiable progression of your job history; it should tell a compelling story in a simple way. Your employer wants to spend a few minutes with Steven Spielberg, not David Lynch.

So get out there and curriculum up your vitae. And a little yoga probably wouldn’t hurt either.   

A Kick In The Career: Hold All My Tough Calls

One of the hardest leadership qualities to develop is making the really tough calls.

Firing somebody, for example: “You’re just not working out. I don’t know what else to say except that your sucky qualities have begun to outweigh your non-sucky ones.”

Or telling someone that the heartfelt idea for improving workplace productivity is just not going to fly: “It’s great that you brought this to the table, but I’ve seen more fully-developed strategies on an ant farm.”

Or letting people know to leave their attitudes at the door: “In a perfect world, scumbags like you would not be allowed to keep their parking card.”

Those are the kind of extreme cases that develop when we’re called upon to convey difficult truths. But every day we have to face minor versions of these same situations in our daily lives. Ever had to inform a friend that he hurt your feelings? (I know, guys, the very idea is frightening. After all, it’s why men always slap each other’s backs when they hug rather than cope with the emotional vulnerability of an honest-to-goodness hug.) 

Ever had to tell kids that their plan for building the fort out of matchsticks is not quite the best-engineered idea in the world? (Or worse, watch the “waterworks” when they have to find it out for themselves?) 

What did you do in these cases? Chances are, you either found the most tactful way to express yourself, or you blew it and learned from it. Either way, interpersonal relationships are no different from work relationships. In fact, work relationships are interpersonal relationships.

 Steve Vamos is a board member and a former executive of both Apple and Microsoft. He says the best way to make the tough calls is to “take it personally.” In an interview with Smart Company, Vamos describes how he fires people himself instead of referring it to Human Resources. He goes straight into an honest explanation of what is going on. One in five employees, he says, are still upset, but the other four are grateful.

Imagine not deferring to the big anonymous corporate entity that cuts the paychecks and instead going one on one with the person most impacted by the bad news? Dang, if that catches on we’ll all be respecting each other and bringing new levels of understanding into the volatile dynamic of workplace hierarchy.

I wonder if we have the guts it takes to do that? Tough call.

Here’s a link to the interview:

http://www.smartcompany.com.au/leadership/29775-why-good-leaders-need-to-be-able-to-make-the-tough-calls-vamos.html#