Your Inner CEO: Don't Get Too Comfortable!

“Comfort Zone” is a great phrase and I fully understand why we hear about it so often. People are in a comfort zone when they talk about a comfort zone. It has a nice, lulling quality, doesn't it? It makes you think of sitting in a soft La-Z-Boy by a warm fireplace on a cold winter night.

One defining element of a comfort zone is the absence of surprises, especially unpleasant surprises. It may not be the most exciting place in the world, but you’re willing to sacrifice excitement for predictability. If your boss walks in one morning and asks you to run report ABC, that’s fine – because it’s what he does every morning. You won't even break a sweat. You do it every day and know the drill. There’s a very limited range of possibilities here. There’s no upside but – more importantly – there’s no downside either.

But what if your boss came in one morning and told you to redesign a report from scratch. Suppose you also had to use a software program you'd never seen before. Suppose you had to have it done before noon. How would you feel then? The answer, of course, is uncomfortable, and maybe frightened.

Many people, when faced with a challenge that lies outside their comfort zone will get nervous and panic. “I can't do this, I'll never get it done on time, I don't need this stress. Why me? Why not that other person in the next cubicle?”

It’s fine to feel that way – for a minute or two. But the reality of life is that we learn by doing, and that means leaving the comfort zone behind. Children don't learn to walk by watching others, they try to stand and fall hundreds of times before learning how to put one foot in front of the other in perfect balance.

Doing things that are uncomfortable and new ultimately expands your comfort zone. It enables you to confront new tasks courageously -- not without discomfort, but with discomfort under control. If you do the thing you think you can’t do, you'll feel yourself growing stronger. 

Someday you’ll face harder choices that might require even more initiative. But you’ll be able to choose action over fear. You’ll be very comfortable with that.

Your Inner CEO: Anger Management

Of all the negative feelings people can experience,
anger is the most common in the modern world. We
live in the midst of an anger epidemic. They 
may not look like it, but people are seething with rage. 

And what about you? You’re put on hold in a phone call, 
you’re waiting in the checkout line, you’re caught in traffic 
behind a guy going twenty miles an hour -- and the result 
is anger. And those are just the minor situations. There are 
plenty of others in which the gloves really come off.

Research on anger shows that certain situations really get people ticked off. One of the most potent is feeling wrongly accused. You work harder than anyone else on a project and it falls through. If you get blamed, how do you feel? Or you get a parking ticket with time still on the meter. How do you feel? There are lots of other examples of wrongful accusations. Can you think of any now? If you can, the chances are you feel angry just recalling them. 

From a manager's point of view, it’s important to be empathetic about anger -- because there’s such a big difference between being inside it and outside it. From the inside, anger is like fire. It can start out like the tiny flame of a match, but with that tiny flame you can burn the whole house down. 

Again, think about how you feel when you’re really angry. If you’re like many people, you’ll sacrifice everything for the sake of that very compelling feeling. You’ll throw the expensive plates against the wall. You’ll kick the dog. You’ll slam the door -- and if you slam it on your finger, that will make you even more angry.

So don’t let yourself catch fire. Don’t let another person burn you down. It’s important to empathize, but empathy is not the same thing as direct participation.

Refusing to enter the world of an angry person is probably the best thing you can do to help them. It’s not easy for one person to stay angry for very long in the presence of someone who refuses to participate. It’s much easier to keep the anger going when you’re by yourself. That’s why angry people have a tendency to storm out of the room if they can’t get you going. Try to prevent that from happening if you can. Then, gently say the following two sentences: “I understand that you’re upset. We’ll talk when you’re feeling better.”

Don’t say anything else. If the angry person tries to force you to talk, repeat those two sentences. They’re non-judgmental, and they also hold open the possibility of further dialogue. Yes, let's keep talking. But only when the anger subsides. 

Perfect Pitch: "What! You disagree with me?"

Sometimes, when I'm trying to acquire a new client, people disagree with me. They may even resist signing on with me. How can something like that possibly happen? 

I'm sure you've had similar experiences, so how can you identify exactly what the problem is? Let’s look at three general guidelines for exploring "no"...

First, hear the objections out. Give the client your full attention and avoid the temptation to think about your response while he or she is speaking. Learn to be an active listener. That means not only hearing what the client is saying, but you’re also trying to discover the deeper meaning behind the words. 

Second, rephrase the objection in the form of a question. That gives clients a chance to expand upon their concerns. It also reduces any perception of pressure. By having the opportunity to explain the problem, sometimes a client will even answer their own objection. 

Third, answer the objection. Make an effort to connect your answer with the unique goods or services you have to offer. Locate the objection within the long-term picture of your relationship with the client, then narrow the discussion to create sharper focus. 

Try to get agreement from the client that the objection has been fully resolved – but recognize that this isn’t always possible. If that's the case, suggest that you’d like to give the objection some more thought and that you’ll get back to the client very shortly. Don’t let a meeting turn into a discussion of a single issue. Stand up, smile, shake hands, and repeat the key phrase: "Let's keep talking!"