Your Inner CEO: Fear From The Inside Out

Fear is a variation of anxiety that’s both easier and more difficult to handle. It’s easier than anxiety because the scenario is more obvious. Anxious people don’t know exactly what they’re worried about. Fearful people know all too well. 

There’s an old joke about a man who was continuously snapping his fingers. One day his friend asked him why he was always doing that. “Well,” said the man, with a note of fear creeping into his voice, “I do it to keep the elephants away.” His friend looked at him in disbelief: “But there are no elephants within a thousand miles.” “Yeah,” said the man, nervously snapping his fingers again. “It works great, doesn’t it?”

A man who’s afraid of elephants seems silly -- except to another man who’s afraid of elephants. To empathize with someone’s fear, don’t try to be afraid of the exact same thing. That almost never works, because fear is a very personal matter. 

Instead, think about something you’re afraid of -- or better yet, think about something that frightened you in the past. Maybe you were afraid of jumping into a swimming pool. Maybe it was getting on an airplane. Maybe you woke up one night and in the darkness you saw a monster on the other side of the room -- which was really your coat over the back of a chair. That's a key truth about fear. It’s almost always time-bound. Fears that seem very convincing at certain points in our lives look much less threatening later. In fact, they usually look pretty funny. But at the time they’re genuinely scary.

Use this exercise about past fears on yourself first. Then you can use it to help others with their own fears. Don’t try to convince the person that they’re wrong to be afraid.  That won’t work. Instead of talking about what they fear now, ask them about what they used to fear. 

Show them how fears lose their power once we get more information and perspective. Then ask them to project themselves forward in time -- and promise them that someday what’s frightening them now will seem as harmless as their fears in the past. This is an empathetic way of helping people with their fears. You’ll see how much better it works than lecturing somebody on one hand, or ignoring them on the other. 

Your Inner CEO: Parkinson's Law

People tend to have a contradictory approach to time management. They know it’s important -- that it can be the difference between a middle manager and a top executive -- yet they waste time every day. That’s not good! Let’s change that! Here are some ideas:

>> An hour of planning can save you ten hours of doing. Don’t head into projects without setting goals, knowing how you to achieve those goals and setting times by which they have to be accomplished.

>> Improve your reading speed. The average reading speed is two hundred words per minute. Most people in business have to read for about two hours a day. That’s not a lot of words read for time expended. A speed reading course can double your reading speed. It actually works.

>> Devote one hour each day to personal self improvement. If you spend just one hour a day on a skill you want to improve, that computes to seven hours a week. Do the math to see how much time that is over one full year. You can become an expert at almost anything if you follow that schedule. You can become a concert violinist!

>> Practice patience. It’s natural to want positive change to happen as easily and as quickly as possible. But the cycle of change often takes longer than you expect. In fact, I promise you that it will take longer than you expect. But you can make it happen.

>> Be adventurous. See change as a challenge and a chance for transformation. Throw yourself into planning and preparation. Explore new career horizons that may appear. See this as an adventure, not an obligation.

>> Try something new each day. When people expand beyond their comfort zone, they have a tendency to try to build a comfort zone as quickly as possible. Challenge yourself to try at least one new way of doing things every day. 

One of the most insightful rules of workplace behavior is Parkinson’s Law: “Work expands to fill the time available.” So give yourself a challenging time frame. It doesn’t mean you should never sleep. It just means that maybe you should wake up five minutes earlier. Or ten minutes! Fifteen?

Perfect Pitch: It's All About We

Oral communication skills -- talking! -- are the most important elements of any enterprise, mostly because so many people have a hard time dealing with the people around them. They don’t see an incentive for that. They’re always asking, “What’s in it for me?” That’s why getting others to do what you want is all about getting them to think it’s what they want. They need to feel they’re doing something for themselves. Here a few things you can offer toward meeting that need.

Flexibility is a key. How well you do you go with the flow? How capable are you of making new plans when an unforeseen problem calls for a change of direction? Don’t wait until the last minute to prepare for this. When you’re trying something for the first time or working with new people, If you need some help with this, make an effort to concentrate on always make plans for several possible outcomes.

Decisiveness is also important, especially if you’re a team leader or a manager. It’s an unfortunate fact of life that the most important decisions are also the hard decisions. (Whose idea was that?!) You must be willing to take bold action in whatever way you think will be best. Needless to say, there’s no guarantee that everyone will agree you made the right decision. But dealing with that is just another communication skill.

Punctuality: Develop a reputation for being on time and you will earn the respect of other organized professionals. Especially in meetings, when others arrive on time they will expect you to be prompt too. Nothing is more frustrating in a meeting than waiting for a tardy participant.

Consideration: Always take the time to greet people with a friendly, personal greeting. You’ll have a chance to do this right if you arrive a little early to meetings so you can greet others as they arrive.

Deference: In your home or office, you are responsible for making everyone comfortable and productive. On someone else’s territory, you should step back and allow them to set the tone.

Appearance: Whether a specific setting calls for formal business attire or casual dress, you should do your best to fit in. If professional attire is expected, you should wear it. If you’re coming in from a job site or a bull riding competition, take a few moments to dust off and look presentable.

Attention: You should listen at least twice as much as you talk. Ask three questions in a conversation before you volunteer information about yourself.

Etiquette: At the beginning of a meeting or social gathering, be sure that everyone has been properly introduced. At the end, don’t rush out in a hurry as if you can’t wait to get away as fast as possible – even if you really can’t wait!