Perfect Pitch: Questions

If giving compliments is the first step in rapport-building with a client, the second step is asking questions. Once again, uniqueness and originality are essential. Care about the answer to your question. Demonstrate this through your tone of voice and the expression on your face. By giving positive attention, you have a chance to get positive attention.

Ask unique questions that take some thought to answer. That’s the way to get greater connection from your client. Despite how it may seem, the person asking questions controls the direction and the flow of any conversation. Conversely, if you just start talking, you may seem to be in control – but there’s a good chance your client has simply stopped listening.

Your real purpose is to make clients know that you care about them. Even in a business conversation, people long to be heard and understood. You should genuinely want to find out as much as you can about their problems -- and especially how they perceive their problems. Because solutions to those problems are what you’re really selling.

Remember that all questions aren't equal. Some are much more effective than others – and what really defines an effective question is changing all the time. Clients today are much more aware of questions that seem to be insincere or manipulative. For instance, twenty years ago business conversations routinely included hokey phrases like these:

                “What would you say if…?”

                “What would you do if….?”

                “Would you buy today if…?”

Questions like these are thinly disguised traps for a client – but today nobody is going to fall for that. Nobody is going to be put in the position of letting you set a time limit or an agenda for their buying decisions. It’s much more effective to ask genuinely open ended questions that really show what’s on a client’s mind. Above all, you want to get the other person talking – and the more they talk, the better off you are. Some examples of open-ended questions are these:

What can you tell me about your organization?

How would you like things to be improved?

What are the barriers to making that happen?

How can we eliminate those obstacles?

Behind all these questions there’s a single insight; people want to know what you can do for them, especially by helping them solve their problems. But before you can do that, you need to know as much as possible about what their problems are. That’s why questions are so useful, and so important.  

Perfect Pitch: Compliments

                                

The basis of building rapport with a client -- or with anyone, really -- is to connect with what that interests them most. And what interests them most (of course) is themselves. Compliments are verbal tools for connecting with that self-interest in a very compelling way. But there a certain amount of skill is still required.

Everyone likes compliments but people can also be suspicious of them, especially in a business setting. If a compliment seems insincere or generic it can do more harm than good. In particular, wealthy and successful people are always getting compliments. If they’re smart, they see right through them. Even if they’re not smart, they can still get bored with an endless stream of praise.

In order to be effective with your compliments, you’ll need to make sure they satisfy two related criteria. First, they should be original, and second, they should be delivered in a way that shows sincerity and good intentions. 

If you’re in the office of a corporate CEO on the top floor of a high rise building, making a compliment about the view won’t get you very far. Probably ninety percent of the people who walk into that office say something about the view. If you’re another one, it’s a missed opportunity. 

So challenge yourself to think of something a bit more original. What else can you think of besides the view? If you’ve done preparation for the meeting, you ought to know something about your customers and their companies. Where do they come from? Where did they go to school? Has there been any positive news recently about their company in the media? 

The internet is so vast that almost everybody and everything gets mentioned somewhere. Find a way of positively referring to something you’ve learned about your customer. Just make sure you do it an informal and casual way. It shouldn’t seem like you’ve stayed up all night studying websites for this. And it shouldn’t be delivered in a stiff, mechanical way.

Keep in mind also that a really good complement should be one that you can deliver with the right tone of voice and with just the right mix of genuineness and humor. Again, remember that powerful people are suspicious of complements just as much as they like them. If you show you’re knowledgeable and excited about an area of common interest, your compliment will be unique. Then it will be a good start toward building rapport.

Giving compliments can be the first step in building rapport. The second step is asking questions. That will be the topic of my next post.

A Kick In The Career: Going Along to Get Along Cannot Go Along for Long

Gianpiero Petriglieri’s Harvard Business Review blog post about “violent politeness” is a good one.

In it, he argues that the workplace can encourage a “follow the leader” mentality, in which it is easier to go along to get along than to spark a dialogue with one’s superior: a dialogue that might inspire positive change and company growth. Of course, I agree with Mr. Petriglieri because he writes for a big, fancy blog connected to Harvard, and what am I but some lowly recruiter who better suck up to him if I know what’s good for me? (I’m kidding!)

 Petriglieri smartly points out that our most valued relationships are actually the ones in which we feel close enough to challenge an opinion. In other words, our favorite people are the ones we don’t simply agree with to avoid conflict. This must mean, then, that our bosses aren’t our favorite people, and it may be worth our while to give them—and ourselves--a bump in status by not sucking it up.

Certainly, going along to get along is a recipe for disaster in a romance. Not that I haven’t sat through my share of excruciating romantic comedies in order to have the privilege of cuddling up with my better half; and not that she hasn’t endured my endless sports-statistics conversations with my buddies in order to have the privilege of going into another room to read. (Seems like she is getting the best of both worlds here, but I’ll look into this later.)

The problem is, we often cannot see the dysfunctional patterns forming in our closest relationships, and one of the ways that couples have to cope is to go to couple’s counseling. I think it may be time to offer that same option to employees and their bosses. You know the dynamic is unhealthy, and you want to try to make it better, so you find a qualified third party to give you a safe place to express yourself.  We’ll call it “Co-workers Counseling,” for lack of a better term. Let’s imagine how a typical session might unfold:

THERAPIST: Tom, when we left off last week you were upset because you weren’t being heard.

TOM: That’s right.

BOSS: Well, how can I know he wants to be heard if he doesn’t tell me?

THERAPIST: Hold on, Boss, you will have your time to speak.

TOM: You see? This is exactly what I’m talking about. He says he wants a variety of opinions in order to make decisions for the good of the company, and then he behaves like this and wonders why I keep my opinions to myself.

BOSS: You need to toughen up a little, Tom. I’m your boss, but that doesn’t mean I don’t value your opinion.

THERAPIST: How does that make you feel, Tom?

TOM: Well, it’s a start. Do you really want to hear my opinion?

BOSS: Lay it on me.

TOM: I think the decision to downsize the recruitment department is a bad one. It will cost the company money in the long run.

BOSS: Nobody else told me this.

TOM: Nobody else is going to therapy with you.

BOSS: Well, let’s talk more about this, Tom. I’m all for not costing the company money.

THERAPIST: There, you two. How did that free exchange of ideas feel to you?

(TOM and BOSS weep openly and embrace.)

All right, so maybe going by the boss’s office and seeing people crying and hugging might not be the most comfortable fit for your workplace. But see if you can find a way to remain silent when decisions that will ultimately have an impact on you are on the table.  If you remain isolated and voiceless, it will only contribute to fatigue and dissatisfaction. To borrow another analogy from relationships: “If anyone in the conference room feels that these ideas should not be implemented, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.”  Nobody ever does respond to this challenge at weddings. Except in romantic comedies. Which reminds me, I have to go watch one now.

Here is the link to the Harvard Business Review blog:  http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/03/why-work-is-lonely/