Your Inner CEO: Executive Stress

For any CEO, stress comes in different shapes and sizes, and from many different directions. For you as the CEO of your Inner Corporation, stress can still have many different looks – but it always originates within yourself.

Sometimes a big problem seems to suddenly materialize out of thin air. Other times a series of relatively small annoyances can begin to wear you down. While a major crisis can certainly be difficult, I think chronic, long-term stress is more dangerous – mostly because you can get used to it.

You’ve probably heard how a frog can get boiled in water that only very gradually rises in temperature. Here’s the good news: in real life frogs actually jump out. Here’s the bad news: people will “overheat” to high levels of chronic stress in their careers and in their personal lives. The results can be painful, physically, emotionally, and financially.

An effective CEO knows that handling stress takes strength, but it also requires mature judgment. You have to know when to disconnect from a situation rather than trying to ride it out. Because you might get ridden out instead.

Most people don’t know how to do that. Studies show that workplace stress is the cause of at least a million American worker absences every day. It’s also been estimated that 80% of health care expenses are stress related, with costs rising as drugs and medical treatment become more expensive.

Fortunately, the main causes of stress – or at least work-related stress – are also very well documented:

>> Too much work: Obviously, this is a major cause of stress. But the solution isn’t just reducing the workload. Even simple projects can become stressful if they’re poorly supervised or not clearly explained. An effective manager needs to closely monitor the mechanics and procedures in an organization as well as the volume of the work itself.

>> Too much hassle: Phones, walk-in visits, and unanticipated demands from managers all contribute to increased stress. Managers should be sure that what they expect from team members is absolutely clear, and then give them a stable environment in which to meet those expectations. As an Inner CEO, however, there’s no one higher up who’s going to provide you with a tranquil environment. You’ll have to do that yourself. So create an inventory of your most common annoyances and then see what you can do toward eliminating them. (Caution: if one of them is your spouse, think divorce, not murder.)

>> Anxiety: In an unpredictable economy, the possibility of layoffs or furloughs, or other cutbacks are major sources of stress. You should keep your team informed about situations that might affect their jobs -- and provide reassurance if you can credibly do so. Regarding your own job security, learn to live with the fact that “job security” is an illusion. Make sure you’re prepared for sudden change that would force you to look for a new job. Furthermore, keep your eyes open for new jobs even while you have your present one. You’re a free agent, not a wage slave.

>> No feedback: If someone is not meeting expectations, that should be made clear long before the annual review. As your own CEO, you’re the one who sets goals for yourself, but are you tracking your progress toward your goals in a clear and meaningful way?

>> No appreciation: Failure to show appreciation generates stress. There are many ways to demonstrate appreciation, but for a manager the most effective way is just a sincere recognition of a team member’s positive contribution. But this isn’t something you can expect as an Inner CEO, since you have neither managers nor shareholders. The solution: appreciate yourself. Recognize the extent to which you create your own stress, and how that may be a product of an unconscious need to devalue yourself.  The classic film “It’s a Wonderful Life” is a great resource for this concept. (If you find yourself secretly rooting for Mr. Potter, stress should no longer be a problem. A great future awaits you!)

Perfect Pitch: Is Anyone Listening?

Listening doesn’t come naturally to most people. That’s not surprising, because real listening is more than just healthy functioning of the ears. Listening takes some work, especially when you’re first learning to really listen.

Why is listening so hard? It’s because talking is so much fun! It’s not always easy to listen to other people, but it’s nearly always easy to have them listening to you. But as the CEO of your inner corporation, part of your executive function involves listening effectively to other people. It’s a big part of your job.

For most people, having a conversation is like driving a car on a city street. When the traffic light is red, you have to stop and wait. You’d like to just keep going, but there are many reasons why that’s not a good idea. So you have to just sit there and watch a bunch of creeps whiz by until finally your light turns green and now it’s their turn to watch you.

Conversations follow the same pattern. You and the other guy are supposed to alternate between talking and listening. You might like to do all the talking, but you’ve learned to resist that impulse….haven’t you? If you’re not quite there yet, learning something about listening can be very helpful.

The power of the human voice is my core subject, but listening is as much about silence rather than sound. But even though it’s silent, the experience of listening to someone is never exactly the same. For example, listening to a police officer who has pulled you over in a traffic stop is different from listening to your eight year old daughter or your eighty year old father in law.

Here are some different categories of listening, from the least attentive to the most empathic and beneficial. Which one best describes your current listening style?

 Not really listening at all
You have a dim awareness that someone is talking to you, but that’s about it. You’re one step from totally ignoring the person – which is not to deny that sometimes this minimal is the best choice you have. If someone is giving you a lecture for their own ego satisfaction, maybe you should just physically sit there while mentally taking a vacation to Hawaii. This situation is very common in business settings. For example, a manager may need to hear the complaints of a dissatisfied client, or when there’s a significant disparity between the corporate power of the parties involved.

“I’m listening to you – but it’s really all about me.”
This is probably the most common type of everyday listening. You have some level interest, but you’re mostly waiting for that traffic light to turn green so you can start talking again. The words of the speaker are filtered through your own pre-existing beliefs. You’re ready to tell your own story – which is probably a much better one, right? -- as soon as the slightest opening comes up. Once you become aware of this listening style it’s amazing how often you’ll see it done – whether to you or by you.

Factual listening
‘Just the facts’ is fine when the purpose of the communication is merely to convey what’s happening, but it’s inadequate for dealing with feelings and motives – which is often the reason why people want to speak with each other in the first place. This kind of listening can win a battle and lose a war. It can be an effective short term tactic with specific people or situations, but not a good strategy with long-term clients or employees. .

Inclusive listening
This is getting closer to the goal. You are attentive to words, intonations, body language, and facial expressions. You have overall recognition of how the other person is feeling, as well as comprehension of what is being said. You’re able to see, hear, and feel someone else’s point of view. You are frank and honest in expressing disagreement while also striving for genuine understanding.

Optimal Listening
This is inclusive plus, an action-oriented component. You listen to what’s being said, and this leads you to suggest ideas for positive action on the part of the speaker. It doesn’t lead you to start talking about yourself, although you offer to take action on behalf of the speaker. This doesn’t mean you’re making decisions for the other person. It’s just that optimal listening contains a strong element of helping someone understand their options. More than any of the other levels, optimal listening puts the other person's interests first.

As someone once said, “Those who have ears, let them hear.” Words of wisdom!

Perfect Pitch: How Does a Word Mean?

How do we know what a word means? In many languages around the world, words can have entirely different meanings based on how the words are spoken -- including variables such as the stress on the word"s syllables and the tone of the pronunciation. If you happen to be speaking the Nuka language, for example, you may intend to say, "You look beautiful." But if your tone of voice is incorrect, what you're heard to say could be, "You look like the aircraft carrier USS Gerald R. Ford." Your whole evening could be ruined!

You may not think English is a language like Nuka, but to a surprising degree it is.  Believe it or not, the meaning of any English sentence does not only depend on the words with which the sentence is made. The stress placed on the words, much more than their dictionary definition, is the real source of what the sentence means. It’s easy to prove this. Just pick any sentence and repeat it several times, each time emphasizing different words. You’ll see the meaning radically change. 

For example, read the sentence below out loud. As you read it, make sure you don’t give extra stress to any of the words. Just keep your voice perfectly flat.

I have succeeded in whatever I started because I willed it. I never hesitated, which gave me an advantage over the rest of mankind.

Because none of the words were emphasized, the passions and viewpoint of the speaker weren’t really communicated.

Now read it again, this time emphasizing key words.

I have SUCCEEDED in whatever I started because I WILLED it. I NEVER hesitated, which gave me an advantage over the rest of mankind.

Notice how stressing the word “succeeded” dramatizes the sentence. It suggests there was a looming risk of failure. Emphasizing “willed” conjures up all the obstacles you overcame by strength of character alone. Putting stress on “never” references a struggle against hesitation and doubt. It even implies that the struggle may still be going on: if it weren’t, why would there be such energy placed on the word “never”?

If you know what you intend to say in a specific situation, you can practice variations of emphasis beforehand to get exactly the effect you want. But even if there’s no opportunity for preparation, any variation in emphasis is better than none at all. Monotony is always your worst enemy.

Besides the stress you give to words, you can also vary the pitch of your voice. Stress refers to loudness or softness. Pitch is a quality of tone. In conversation, the pitch of most people’s voices flows from high to low and back again. This is perfectly natural – yet when people are front of an audience, very often their voices dull and monotonous.

There are two principle reasons for this. First, the average person is tense or even frightened of any kind of public speaking. And this tends to flatten delivery. Second, they don’t even know that this is happening. So as with other elements of Perfect Pitch, the solution is to put yourself in conscious control of your voice rather than just letting it happen.

When you lapse into a monotonous pitch your voice may be high or low, but it will usually be one extreme or the other, and it will always be unvarying. If you’re paying attention to what voice is doing, you’ll be able to notice this happening. Remind yourself that this isn’t how you want to sound. Make a conscious decision to adjust your voice so that it sounds like who you really are.

The speed with which you talk is another important variable in how you’re understood. In corporate boardrooms of congressional hearings, for example, someone might say “ten million dollars” very fast, as it were an insignificant amount of money. But if someone says, “You stand to win tannin millllionnnn dollllarrrsss,” extending each syllable, it really sounds like a lot of money. The actual words may be virtually the same, but the message is very different.